Authenticity

“We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.”
-Barbara de Angelis

Authenticity is such a powerful word.  It is defined as “the quality or condition of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine.”  The word and quote above resonate for me and are guiding principles for how I want to continue living.

The concept first started to consciously become a part of my life probably in my 10th grade psychology class while we were studying Abraham Maslow and his “hierarchy of needs.”  The needs are labeled in a pyramid.  The bottom, most important need is physiological.  This includes breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis (our body being stable), and excretion.

The next layer on the pyramid (and the 2nd most important need) refers to the need for Safety.  This includes security of:  body, employment, resources, morality, the family, health, and property.

The third layer of the pyramid refers to love and belonging.  This layer includes friendship, family, and sexual intimacy. The fourth layer is about esteem:  self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, and respect by others.

The final and fifth layer of the pyramid refers to self-actualization.  This includes morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem-solving, lack of prejudice, and acceptance of facts.

I feel the 4th and 5th levels are very intertwined with the concept of authenticity.  It seems challenging to try to reach these levels and be comfortable residing there without trying to be true to ourselves.

Being authentic or true to ourselves is not always easy or the instinctual first course of action.  Sometimes it requires us to pause and reflect on what the authentic course of action for us would be.  That means we have to try to be responsive rather than reactive.  Being responsive takes into account all that we believe in and the response is reflective of that.  Being reactive usually means we are reacting back in kind, almost mirroring the event or person.

Being authentic may not make us the most popular person.  Many times, it means the opposite.  Sometimes the roles that exist in our lives encourage the lack of authenticity.  In some family dynamics, individuals may grow up with assigned roles that fail to evolve.  These may serve some fine, others not so well.  Maybe someone was assigned the role of not being smart or able to achieve goals.  This role may make another member feel better about themselves and perhaps resist the other member’s attempt to break out of their inferior role through subtle or not so subtle put-downs or lack of support.

Part of growing up and trying to reach the top of the pyramid of self-actualization is to recognize what roles if any are hindering us and whether they only serve others, in not growing up perhaps.  In such cases, breaking out of these roles can help both parties in the long run, toward reaching that tip of the pyramid!

Although being authentic is not always an easy choice, it is the only choice when considering a life of any meaning and purpose.