For much of my life, my ideals have led me towards perfectionistic tendencies. It has meant I have often been harder on myself than was appropriate or kind. Of course, there can be many reasons contributing to this tendency. It is a common struggle for many and almost touted as a standard in the American culture. This can lead to all sorts of problems.
Motherhood takes perfectionism to a whole new dimension. Guilt becomes a constant companion to not measuring up to our perfect parental ideals. In the early years of a child’s life, there seem to be an abundant amount of situations for moms to feel less than perfect. Our children seem so fragile and we can feel so intimidated by that and their constant changes to keep up with, we could potentially make berating ourselves a part-time job.
Last night, a week before turning 9 months, Maya began officially crawling. It was an exciting and scary milestone at the same time. The milestone occurred a few hours after slipping on a couch pillow and bonking her head, which scared me. She got over it and was fine. I was not and kept repeating the situation in my head and analyzing it to figure out how it could have been prevented and how to make sure it never happens again. There was a mini family meeting and the report from the analysis was provided.
As soon as Maya started creeping last night, she went straight for the computer chords under a desk. The baby-proofing project must now officially begin. Although I have gone through a cycle of child-rearing with my preteen son, I can’t say I’m more laid back with my daughter as a result. If anything, recent experiences are prompting me to be less laid-back! Forget trying to have a life of your own! I must be hyper-vigilant and make sure no harm comes to my defenseless baby! She is now a very curious, care-free, mobile child without any concept of consequences. I pray over her every night after she goes to sleep because of SIDS. There are so many issues to potentially be concerned about!
As my children grow and mature, they give me many opportunities to look at myself and grow along with them. One gift I would like to pass on is peace with the desire for perfection. It is ok to aim for something close, but it does not mean we should be unkind to ourselves for not consistently reaching that objective. We just have to brush ourselves off and keep aiming for the best we can do. We have to pat ourselves on the back as much as possible for trying and sometimes creating near-perfect moments that in the end maybe leads to a life we can feel mostly proud of.
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