There is much I’ve learned and much I’m still trying to learn and practice about the mysterious art of communication. In terms of the literal form of the written and spoken word, I feel quite comfortable. As an immigrant, I learned English after the age of 7. I knew 5 other Indian languages until then. I got so comfortable with the written language that I chose to major in it in college.
I liked the spoken part too. I began participating in public speaking contests as a preteen and was on the Debate team in high school, focusing on original oratory. That meant I competed in giving speeches. As a newcomer, I was able to surpass more experienced peers after memorizing a speech overnight. I ended up as a quarter-finalist in NC.
This past experience of course did not necessarily translate into interpersonal communication success. When it comes to relationships, it’s not about how well you are able to write or speak. Maybe this is where my Psychology degree is supposed to help. Unfortunately, I’ve learned just knowing stuff doesn’t necessarily translate into practice and success. There must be efforts made on both sides. Both must be interested in developing something of value to both parties. Then the fun begins!
My last ex-husband accused me of reading too many “self-help” books. I saw it as reading “self-improvement” books, and what’s wrong with that?? I want to make the most of myself and my life, so don’t I want to learn as much as I can about myself and the world? I suppose not everyone is so inclined. Regardless, the reading at least lets me blog some on this topic and share what I’ve learned from my reading and experiences, and spare you the trouble and time.
One of the lessons I’ve learned (but don’t always remember) is that men and women truly are different in their communication and perceptions. We need different things. A “Today” show male panelist on gender differences recently stated that women want compliments and men want praise. I thought about how that truly is different. He clarified the difference with the example that women want compliments such as “you look pretty in that dress.” We want to be noticed and know that our men still find us ravishing! Every day.
Men on the other hand, want praise for a job well done. That means women have to appreciate stuff we wouldn’t normally assume that men need appreciation for. It’s stuff we do all the time and keep doing it out of a sense of responsibility. It’s annoying to us to have to make men feel like super heroes for the same work. However, that’s apparently what they need. It’s like Pavlov’s dog in Psych 101, where the dog was trained to salivate at the sound of a bell by association. So with enough practice, women can train men through praise to do all the things they want them to do and how they want them to do it. Of course, most women find this to be too much work and thought, so they do what needs to be done themselves and move on…
My Husband and I, Trying to Perfect the Art of Communication
As the holidays approach, our stress levels can start to soar. Women in particular feel it as they often feel solely responsible for creating “perfect” holiday memories for their families.
For much of my life, my ideals have led me towards perfectionistic tendencies. It has meant I have often been harder on myself than was appropriate or kind. Of course, there can be many reasons contributing to this tendency. It is a common struggle for many and almost touted as a standard in the American culture. This can lead to all sorts of problems.
Being from India, I grew up eating Indian food and then making it. I’ve loved getting to know the different spices and their flavors. More recently, I’ve come to appreciate the spices for their medicinal purposes as well. It seems that I am often learning about some new benefits to the various spices. Most recently, I learned more about asafoetida, or “Devil’s Dung.” The spice is being looked at by drug manufacturers to prevent colds and the flu.
“We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.
