Pria Acharya

Pria Acharya is a mindful vegan mama, storyteller, and soul-rooted creator. Born in India, rising in the U.S., she blends ancient wisdom with modern clarity. Through film, books, and quiet rebellion, she helps others root deep, rise strong, and live aligned with compassion.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Attitude, Finding Meaning Comments Off

Nov 252009

It is wonderful to think as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, all that we are thankful for. It is good to think about that everyday, and Thanksgiving is a reminder for us to do that. The more thankful we are of elements in our life, the greater these elements will increase. It is part of the law of attraction. We will attract more to be thankful for. I am reminded of a story of two priests. They were in a similar situation. One cursed the situation around him, and the other was thankful for it. The one who was negative found himself in a bigger negative situation, while the positive one found much more to be thankful. It was as if God wanted to prove to both that things could be worse and that things could be much better, too.

I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving and hope that you are able to find much in your life to be grateful for and watch it multiply.

Tree-Trimming

Gardening, Recycling, Simplicity Comments Off

Nov 192009

On Monday, we got our three trees trimmed, probably for the very first time for them, and me. Trimming trees is not something I would think about, as much as I like to garden and do yard work. Although I bought this home partly for the two big majestic trees in the back and have enjoyed watching the antics of my resident squirrels and then my cat in the trees, I didn’t notice some of their issues, which required a trim. I have mostly been the one to trim the areas that can easily be reached, and kept those areas groomed.

It has been my husband who has been their advocate. He noticed when some areas looked like they were dying off and determined that a trimming was needed. He called in some professionals, got different opinions and estimates. It was confirmed that they needed to be trimmed or they would die within about seven years. Although we don’t plan on living in the house that long, we decided it needed to be done and the trimmers finally arrived two days ago. Two men spent about eight hours trimming them. It was mesmerizing watching them scale the trunks and go at them with their chain saws and axes.

Now we are enjoying looking out and seeing our well-groomed trees. I think I may have even become a little bit of a “tree snob” as I look to my neighbors’ trees and realize that perhaps they could use some trimming.

As an additional unexpected treat, I ended up with all the mulch from the branches. Using the mulch from our trees in the yard has been a great way to recycle the trimming. During Maya’s naps the past few days, I have been out in my yard spreading the mulch. It has been meditative, a good work-out, and productive at the same time as I see my yard looking better and know that I am making some gardening improvements since the soil will be better and the trees and other plants will be protected.

Porter admiring a papaya tree in front of a relative's home in my Indian village.

Rituals

Children, Finding Meaning, Parenting, Self-Care Comments Off

Nov 182009

Being bi-cultural, I’ve had to give some thought to the rituals and holidays I want to incorporate for my family. Not living in India, it is challenging to celebrate Indian holidays to the level I would like. Sometimes, I am not able to remember or keep up with certain Indian holidays if I don’t see reminders somewhere, such as the Indian store. This is not an issue for Western holidays of course. There are reminders everywhere. Even though Thanksgiving has not arrived yet, we are all being reminded of Christmas. Culturally, I am fine with holidays that I grew up with here in the US playing a bigger part. All the holidays of any culture celebrate something nice, centered around love. Any language or culture that is expressed in is fine with me. With that in mind, I admit I enjoy the spirit of the Christmas season. I take part in decorating my home, singing Christmas carols with my family, and celebrating at my Unitarian church, along with baking what I can. Despite these rituals, I still consider myself a Unitarian and Hindu. If I were in India, the holidays and related celebrations there would get more prominence in my home.

Outside of the major holidays, I try to incorporate other rituals for my family. One ritual we have started is to celebrate my infant daughter’s monthly birthdays. Since she was born on the 8th, we celebrate the 8th of every month. Recently, for her 9-month celebration on November 8th, I cooked food I knew she would enjoy (spaghetti, which is fun finger food for her) and other goodies for us. She received toys and we sang and danced to the song we have decided is hers from us, Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours.” We have been singing this to her since the beginning of her life, and she seems to recognize it.

As an outcome of Maya’s monthly celebrations, I thought we should celebrate my son’s, so he is not left out. Then I thought why leave out my husband and I? With that in mind, My husband is celebrating his monthly birthday today, since he was born on the 18th. So yesterday was Colin’s Day and today is Porter’s Day. I’ve already put it on the calendar for next month and am looking forward to my day on the 9th. The rule is that you get to do whatever you want (within reason) and get an excuse to treat yourself. So my husband would say he had a good start this morning, which included not having to drop my son off to school since a neighbor started doing so. My daughter slept through the night and we got decent sleep as a result. Then he treated himself to the lunch he wanted and he gets to do whatever he wants tonight, which will probably include tennis since it is not too cold today, along with having the dinner and dessert he wants.

Since we didn’t realize it was Colin’s day yesterday until the evening, he is getting part of the day today for himself. That means Mom is doing everything! All the chores fall on me. Although, I am looking forward to tomorrow, the 19th, as it is no one’s day, I am also looking forward to Pria’s Day on the 9th. It is nice to have a day per month to do nice things for ourselves guilt-free and have a day to always look forward to!

Porter and Maya on a nice September day at church.

Communication – Part 1

Communication, Finding balance, Relationships Comments Off

Nov 132009

There is much I’ve learned and much I’m still trying to learn and practice about the mysterious art of communication. In terms of the literal form of the written and spoken word, I feel quite comfortable. As an immigrant, I learned English after the age of 7. I knew 5 other Indian languages until then. I got so comfortable with the written language that I chose to major in it in college.

I liked the spoken part too. I began participating in public speaking contests as a preteen and was on the Debate team in high school, focusing on original oratory. That meant I competed in giving speeches. As a newcomer, I was able to surpass more experienced peers after memorizing a speech overnight. I ended up as a quarter-finalist in NC.

This past experience of course did not necessarily translate into interpersonal communication success. When it comes to relationships, it’s not about how well you are able to write or speak. Maybe this is where my Psychology degree is supposed to help. Unfortunately, I’ve learned just knowing stuff doesn’t necessarily translate into practice and success. There must be efforts made on both sides. Both must be interested in developing something of value to both parties. Then the fun begins!

My last ex-husband accused me of reading too many “self-help” books. I saw it as reading “self-improvement” books, and what’s wrong with that?? I want to make the most of myself and my life, so don’t I want to learn as much as I can about myself and the world? I suppose not everyone is so inclined. Regardless, the reading at least lets me blog some on this topic and share what I’ve learned from my reading and experiences, and spare you the trouble and time.

One of the lessons I’ve learned (but don’t always remember) is that men and women truly are different in their communication and perceptions. We need different things. A “Today” show male panelist on gender differences recently stated that women want compliments and men want praise. I thought about how that truly is different. He clarified the difference with the example that women want compliments such as “you look pretty in that dress.” We want to be noticed and know that our men still find us ravishing! Every day.

Men on the other hand, want praise for a job well done. That means women have to appreciate stuff we wouldn’t normally assume that men need appreciation for. It’s stuff we do all the time and keep doing it out of a sense of responsibility. It’s annoying to us to have to make men feel like super heroes for the same work. However, that’s apparently what they need. It’s like Pavlov’s dog in Psych 101, where the dog was trained to salivate at the sound of a bell by association. So with enough practice, women can train men through praise to do all the things they want them to do and how they want them to do it. Of course, most women find this to be too much work and thought, so they do what needs to be done themselves and move on…

My Husband and I, Trying to Perfect the Art of Communication

Communication Series – Intro

Communication, Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Relationships Comments Off

Nov 122009

Being on my third marriage, an area of vital importance I’ve been exposed to is communication. Obviously, for one reason or another, I have not always been successful (or my companion). It’s hard to know who to blame at times or if anyone can be blamed. I just know that for various reasons, it just doesn’t always work. Some of those reasons include a gender-basis, my past experiences and the companion’s, or my luck in who I’m with or poor skills in picking a companion! That last part can have tons of psychological stuff behind it, like picking people like our parents, functional or not, because of stuff we’re trying to work out! ***sigh*** It can feel hopeless at times and the world of being single and not having to put effort in this area seems tempting to many…

Alas, we must try to learn about the art of communication if we desire building connection with our mates and children. As we feel rewarded for our growth in this area through greater connection, we also feel better individually. We feel more confident, more confident, and more joyful. Without good communication, we begin to feel disconnected and empty.

Issues in my marriages were varied, but difficulty in communication played a big role. After my first arranged marriage (without choice) at 18 ceased after 5 years of my plugging away probably needlessly, communication with the individual was also terminated indefinitely (without my choice). It seemed strange to share intimacy and build a life including a social circle in a new city for 5 years and then pretend those 5 years and everything related to those years didn’t exist. All my efforts seemed wasted. Over the years, I tried to glean some value from the years, including how I could have communicated better, to include asserting myself through communication. Some of this struggle seemed thwarted by my Asian Indian upbringing (maybe another series in the future!).

Enter the next phase of my marital relationship and other communication struggles, bigger and for twice the number of years, and partly still continuous through a child. This time, my lack of experience with my myself, the opposite gender, and the world (thanks partly to my conflicted, strict Asian Indian upbringing) contributed to what Steven Covey has stated, “placing my ladder up against the wrong building.” No matter how much I tried to climb, I was still up against the wrong building! That became apparent only after 10 years of struggling to communicate and trying to feel like I was getting somewhere. All I was achieving was losing even more years of my life to a useless cause.

Once we are beyond being in relationships that are wrong for us and where communication is not the issue, but rather finding a worthwhile “building to place our ladders up against first,” we can then focus on trying to communicate to build connection. That is where I feel I am now. Stay tuned for a continuation on this topic – Part 1 of what I have learned and trying to learn and practice.

My Family and I 7/8/09

Quick Stress Fixes

Finding balance, Self-Care, Simplicity Comments Off

Nov 042009

Bhalloo napping As the holidays approach, our stress levels can start to soar. Women in particular feel it as they often feel solely responsible for creating “perfect” holiday memories for their families.

Sometimes, a solution to less lies in gaining more perspective of a situation. Running late can push many stress buttons. But maybe the solution requires just a phone call stating you are delayed and perhaps keeping in mind that being late to your destination will not be the end of the world. I try to learn from the situation to understand what caused my delay to try to correct the situation for the future. This at least allows me to feel some productivity is coming from the situation.

For the holidays, my goal this year is to shop early, as in now. Normally, I get so absorbed in other areas, such as baking, that I delay shopping until it becomes stressful. Since shopping is generally not an activity I enjoy (I know, strange for a female), it becomes even more stressful when there is less time and more traffic and hassle. I will try to prevent that scenario this year. Also, I have to remember that this year I will be trying to do everything with an additional family member and newly-mobile infant as well. Yikes.

One quick, grounding stress fix for me is to repeat a mantra or affirmation in my head until I’m less stressed. I used this technique to give birth without drugs! Have a plan for dealing with difficult, stressed people during the holidays. Have an affirmation ready to repeat in your head and a plan to leave the scene if needed. With three pets I adore, just hugging or petting one helps a lot!

Women in particular can feel easily overwhelmed by the demands around them. Sometimes, just taking a brief break for a few minutes can make a world of difference. Maybe this means the kids are briefly occupied while we slip away to read a few pages from a book we are reading to escape or something spiritual that helps ground us. If we are feeling too negative, it may help to just seek some humor, such as turning to the comedy channel to get a few laughs and remind ourselves to not take life too seriously!

The Perfection Curse

Children, Education, Finding balance, Motherhood Comments Off

Nov 022009

Irisis For much of my life, my ideals have led me towards perfectionistic tendencies. It has meant I have often been harder on myself than was appropriate or kind. Of course, there can be many reasons contributing to this tendency. It is a common struggle for many and almost touted as a standard in the American culture. This can lead to all sorts of problems.

Motherhood takes perfectionism to a whole new dimension. Guilt becomes a constant companion to not measuring up to our perfect parental ideals. In the early years of a child’s life, there seem to be an abundant amount of situations for moms to feel less than perfect. Our children seem so fragile and we can feel so intimidated by that and their constant changes to keep up with, we could potentially make berating ourselves a part-time job.

Last night, a week before turning 9 months, Maya began officially crawling. It was an exciting and scary milestone at the same time. The milestone occurred a few hours after slipping on a couch pillow and bonking her head, which scared me. She got over it and was fine. I was not and kept repeating the situation in my head and analyzing it to figure out how it could have been prevented and how to make sure it never happens again. There was a mini family meeting and the report from the analysis was provided.

As soon as Maya started creeping last night, she went straight for the computer chords under a desk. The baby-proofing project must now officially begin. Although I have gone through a cycle of child-rearing with my preteen son, I can’t say I’m more laid back with my daughter as a result. If anything, recent experiences are prompting me to be less laid-back! Forget trying to have a life of your own! I must be hyper-vigilant and make sure no harm comes to my defenseless baby! She is now a very curious, care-free, mobile child without any concept of consequences. I pray over her every night after she goes to sleep because of SIDS. There are so many issues to potentially be concerned about!

As my children grow and mature, they give me many opportunities to look at myself and grow along with them. One gift I would like to pass on is peace with the desire for perfection. It is ok to aim for something close, but it does not mean we should be unkind to ourselves for not consistently reaching that objective. We just have to brush ourselves off and keep aiming for the best we can do. We have to pat ourselves on the back as much as possible for trying and sometimes creating near-perfect moments that in the end maybe leads to a life we can feel mostly proud of.

Super Spices

Alternative Medicine, Cooking Comments Off

Oct 302009

turmeric Being from India, I grew up eating Indian food and then making it. I’ve loved getting to know the different spices and their flavors. More recently, I’ve come to appreciate the spices for their medicinal purposes as well. It seems that I am often learning about some new benefits to the various spices. Most recently, I learned more about asafoetida, or “Devil’s Dung.” The spice is being looked at by drug manufacturers to prevent colds and the flu.

I’ve used the spice in primarily lentil dishes to prevent flatulence. I know that Hare Krishna devotees use it instead of onion and garlic, which they don’t use. It was once believed that the spice enhances singers’ voices.

Another super spice is turmeric, the yellow spice used in mustard and in curry powder. Turmeric has been used as an anti-inflammatory agent to treat conditions such as jaundice, bruises, colic, and menstrual difficulties. It has even been effective in treating Crohn’s disease, arthritis, and Cystic Fibrosis.

There are many more spices with many additional health benefits. As the weather gets colder and I try to protect my family from the cold and flu, I intend to cook more Indian food.

Source: World’s Healthiest Foods

Shop/Sell Kids’ Stuff

Causes, Children, Parenting, Recycling Comments Off

Oct 232009

An inevitable part of parenthood is the amount of clothes and other stuff our kids keep growing out of. This means constant shopping for things that are age-appropriate and finding practical and non-wasteful ways to part with the items no longer needed.

One solution is Just Between Friends, the nation’s leading children’s & maternity consignment sales event franchise. The concept was started in 1997 by Daven Tackett and Shannon Wilburn. Starting from a living room, they now have events nationally. Some events occur here, in the Denver area. Just input your location to see where. Shopping events occur about twice a year per location, where consignors can bring children’s and maternity merchandise to sell.

Shoppers can then clothe themselves if expecting or their children at significant savings. Sellers can make up to 70% on sales. A free on-line tagging system is also available. Some proceeds and remaining donated items help local charities.

Authenticity

Finding Meaning, Finding Purpose Comments Off

Oct 142009

CA beach, kite “We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.”
-Barbara de Angelis

Authenticity is such a powerful word. It is defined as “the quality or condition of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine.” The word and quote above resonate for me and are guiding principles for how I want to continue living.

The concept first started to consciously become a part of my life probably in my 10th grade psychology class while we were studying Abraham Maslow and his “hierarchy of needs.” The needs are labeled in a pyramid. The bottom, most important need is physiological. This includes breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis (our body being stable), and excretion.

The next layer on the pyramid (and the 2nd most important need) refers to the need for Safety. This includes security of: body, employment, resources, morality, the family, health, and property.

The third layer of the pyramid refers to love and belonging. This layer includes friendship, family, and sexual intimacy. The fourth layer is about esteem: self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, and respect by others.

The final and fifth layer of the pyramid refers to self-actualization. This includes morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem-solving, lack of prejudice, and acceptance of facts.

I feel the 4th and 5th levels are very intertwined with the concept of authenticity. It seems challenging to try to reach these levels and be comfortable residing there without trying to be true to ourselves.

Being authentic or true to ourselves is not always easy or the instinctual first course of action. Sometimes it requires us to pause and reflect on what the authentic course of action for us would be. That means we have to try to be responsive rather than reactive. Being responsive takes into account all that we believe in and the response is reflective of that. Being reactive usually means we are reacting back in kind, almost mirroring the event or person.

Being authentic may not make us the most popular person. Many times, it means the opposite. Sometimes the roles that exist in our lives encourage the lack of authenticity. In some family dynamics, individuals may grow up with assigned roles that fail to evolve. These may serve some fine, others not so well. Maybe someone was assigned the role of not being smart or able to achieve goals. This role may make another member feel better about themselves and perhaps resist the other member’s attempt to break out of their inferior role through subtle or not so subtle put-downs or lack of support.

Part of growing up and trying to reach the top of the pyramid of self-actualization is to recognize what roles if any are hindering us and whether they only serve others, in not growing up perhaps. In such cases, breaking out of these roles can help both parties in the long run, toward reaching that tip of the pyramid!

Although being authentic is not always an easy choice, it is the only choice when considering a life of any meaning and purpose.

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