Pria Acharya

Location Affects Life With Baby

 Motherhood  Comments Off on Location Affects Life With Baby
Aug 272009
 

Life is different depending on where you live when staying home with the baby.  In the suburbs of the US, it can be isolating and mind-numbing.  It’s so quiet, you can hear crickets outside.  Whereas, in India, there is always activity and other stay-at-home moms as neighbors that you can see outside, along with the kids.  Quiet is not a word one would use for most areas of India.

As with anything, life with baby at home is a question of perspective.  Whereas it could be tedious; it is also a break from the rat race.  Having been in the traditional work world a while, I don’t glorify it.  At 30, after having my son, I was more anxious to get out and work, even though I could have stayed home longer.  Post-baby life was somewhat of a shock, which it isn’t so much after having my daughter at 40.

I now recognize that I have to actively seek out and build the social life I desire.  This is fine to me.  I didn’t necessarily appreciate my limited social prospects in traditional work environments.  I can join the groups I feel connected to and connect only with the individuals that interest me.

Still, I bet there are many differences in life with baby even in the US and where one lives in a city – whether in an urban environment or the suburbs.  It would be nice to live in an area where one can enjoy a nice yard and get out and see activity and people.  Maybe by this time next year, this vision can be a reality.

The Net Allows for Simplicity in Cooking

 Cooking  Comments Off on The Net Allows for Simplicity in Cooking
Aug 262009
 

logoCooking has taken a much simpler path since the internet has gained popularity.  Although I have a myriad of cook books and recipes I’ve collected for decades, I inevitably end up turning to my lap top and google a recipe I want rather than turn to my books.  A top website of 2009 as rated by Time is Super Cook.

This site allows you to input ingredients you have and the site provides recipes that incorporate these ingredients.  The recipe search engine is user-friendly and ingenious.  There are so many recipe sites and this site will search them and pull the information I need.   Now I don’t have to improvise as much and less will go to waste.

Our Recent Vacation

 Travel  Comments Off on Our Recent Vacation
Aug 232009
 
First view of San Francisco Bridge

First view of San Francisco Bridge

June 27 through July 5, we went to the San Francisco area for vacation.   It was my first time there.  We stayed in San Francisco briefly before heading out to Monterey and Santa Cruz.  There was quite a bit of driving and we saw and did much in a short amount of time.   We stayed in 4 different places, so at times it seemed we were constantly packing and unpacking, resulting in some crankiness from me.  My husband and I got into a debate about whether it’s best to see and do as much as possible or to relax as much as possible, keep things simple and really try to get to know an area.  I wanted to settle into an area and he wanted to see as much as possible.  In the end, he seemed to appreciate my view more and I couldn’t help appreciating all the nice pictures I ended up with as a result of seeing and doing a lot.

It was our first real vacation with Maya.  She struggled some being in the car for too long and got more formula than she had thus far while we toured.  Colin got a chance to get a taste of sailing before his week-long sailing camp in Denver.

Colin learning to sail

Colin learning to sail

He went on a trip through the Monterey Aquarium and then through another outfit in Santa Cruz, which I joined the family on.  We had gone on a whaling trip two days prior that had not worked out well for me as I got very sea sick.  I assumed as a result that I could not be on boats.  So having a successful sailing trip gave me hope for future time on boats.

While Colin and Porter were on the first sailing trip in Monterey, Maya and I explored the gorgeous area with her in the stroller.

It was perfect weather, with great gardening sights and historical sites such as the first theatre.  Afterwards, before heading to our rented townhome, we came upon a farmer’s market in the tranquil town of Pacific Grove, where I picked up an organic strawberry, which was Maya’s first.

Monterey, CA

Monterey, CA

Motherhood

 Motherhood  Comments Off on Motherhood
Aug 152009
 



Moherhood - 6 months

Mom and Maya - 6 months

We celebrated Maya’s “1/2” birthday on Saturday, August 8.  She turned 6 months.  It’s hard to believe how fast the time has flown.  During the challenging moments, it seemed like time was going mind-numbingly slow.  It seemed at one point that I would be nursing her for 8-12 times a day forever.  Life seemed to be slipping away as I seemed to become a feeding machine along with a diaper-changing machine.

I’m feeling less and less like a machine every day and Maya is becoming minutely less demanding every day.  She is becoming a “person.”  It’s wonderful to see her develop in different ways every day and becoming more aware of the world around her.  It’s great to see the world through her eyes – how fascinating certain things are that I wouldn’t look at twice.  A child encourages one to “smell the roses” along the way.

At times, it feels that motherhood keeps me from being the person I want to be in other ways, such as a succesful entrepreneur.  At the same time, motherhood provides perspective and reminds me of what I will be truly grateful for and remember in the end.  There are moments I want to remember and treasure forever, rather than have them be a blur because I was too busy trying to reach my goals.

Maya - 6 months

Maya - 6 months


The Need to Telecommute to Find Balance

 Telecommuting  Comments Off on The Need to Telecommute to Find Balance
Aug 052009
 

An area I have come to feel passionate about is telecommuting.  When I worked in corporate America for many years, not being allowed to telecommute was a constant frustration while trying to raise my son.  It was hard to understand the logic behind spending at least two hours a day driving to and from work while my son spent from 6:30 am to 6 pm in daycare along with school.  Life felt like such a grind and I was like a rat on a treadmill.  I was also in school much of this time, getting an MBA, which made life even more challenging in terms of finding balance.  I knew that it was temporary and that someday I would begin to live the lifestyle I had imagined.

I am now starting to live a lifestyle where balance is a possibility.  I am trying to build work that I can do from home and can hopefully someday find profit in.  Eventually, it would be wonderful to have a profitable business that allows me flexibility while trying to nurture the lives of my family and home.  I could then stay off the treadmill and not feel like life is such a grind.

It is amazing that more has not already gotten accomplished in the area of telecommuting.  It seems there was some push for it a while back, but not much happened.  I know in my experience, I heard of the lack of trust management has for employees in getting work done.  This concern is not realistic in our high tech times.  If employees wanted to waste time, they could do so from their cubes as well.  No boss is standing over the shoulder of an employee to see what is being done.  What must be looked at is the end result.  Is work somehow getting done?  If so, then it doesn’t matter with what technological device or from where.

If employees work from home, the company is then able to save a bundle in facility costs, employees aren’t on the road causing accidents, fuel is saved, which also helps the environment, and everyone is happier!

Here’s a resource on the topic:  Telecommuting 101

Jul 312009
 

For almost the past two years, I have been trying to start an Indian importing business called Komal Style Boutique.  I am originally from India, so have a natural attachment to anything Indian and want to combine that with my interest in business and having a venue to be able to do socially-conscious work in India.  I’ve come to learn over the years that my interest in India may be greater than it is to many who are from India and that it is somewhat complicated as I have also had some frustrations with my heritage.  At times, I have had a “love/hate” relationship with India.  As an Indian/American going to India, I have been frustrated by not being able to efficiently get things done and struggling with issues such as finding a decent toilet when traveling there.  That was quickly surpassed by seeing all the beauty and spirit around me;  in the smiles on the faces of villagers and the serenity of women going about their daily rituals.

I am also proud to be an American and to have grown up here.  The pride in being both an American and an Indian have at times conflicted.  I’ve defended Americans when Indians said they don’t care about the elderly.  I had personal experience at the time of knowing someone who took great care of his elderly mother.  I’ve defended India against limited views and perspectives some Americans have had of the country, such as believing it is just like what they might see on a Sally Struthers commercial depicting people struggling with poverty. Many Indians take offense to this view and for this reason object to movies like “Slum Dog Millionaire.”  They want people to know that Indian life is much more broad and India is emerging very rapidly as a country to be reckoned with.  In fact, the most new  millionaires have been from India recently.

There is a huge increasing middle-class and the normal middle-class lifestyle of having a cook, maid, nanny, and perhaps a driver.  They didn’t understand the simplicity of life and the ordinariness of it at times, how the days for many women consisted of domestic pursuits such as making sure there were three great meals, visiting neighbors and relatives over savory snacks and chai, and of course getting a nap in every day around 3pm.  It is a pleasant, mellow life.  In comparison, most women here are running around trying to multi-task as much as possible to try to cross a few things off on their “Things to do list.”

It is good to understand different cultures and have respect for one another.  Americans would want people in other cultures to know that life here is more than what they see in an old John Wayne western.  It’s perhaps a good start, though, to getting a glimpse of the wonderful American spirit.

Jul 282009
 

As someone who has been raised in the US (but from India), that makes me an “ABCD – American Born Confused Desi (“Desi” means “from India”).” This designation is in contrast to an “FOB (Fresh off the Boat).” I was once married to an FOB who enlightened me on my label, with some derision, of course. We regularly engaged in some good-natured debating on who was “better.” I felt I was eclectic – able to choose what was best from two cultures and make it my own, a part of who I am. He thought I was just confused. Maybe so. I know that other ABCDs I’ve known have felt the same way, mostly confused.

As teens, we talked about our longing for India – the country and people left behind. To some extent, we felt that we were temporary visitors to the US. As a female, I felt that I left “sisters” behind – females who did not have the advantages I would by living in a country where opportunities were abundant.

Many of our parents were glad to have brought us to the country to further our lives. Yet at the same time, there was resistance to our mixing in too much with the “West.” We were to retain as much “Indianness” as possible, whatever that meant at the moment. There was much resistance, particularly with my own family, to a culture that was attractive enough to warrant moving here. I wondered at times, growing up, why we did move here if it was so terrible.

When I married the FOB, as was the plan for me, I learned that while I was busy measuring up to an Indian standard handed down to me, Indians in India were becoming more and more “American.” How ironic. I learned that my FOB spouse had in some ways already lived a more American life than I had, in India.

The country was evolving, even more rapidly recently. These days, it seems one can feel as American or Indian as one wants regardless of the country they actually live in. It’s really more a state of mind rather than actual geographic place. It’s possibly best to not even make a distinction. We’re just individuals influenced by our backgrounds at different levels.

Jul 222009
 

No balance or peace can be felt if we are not feeling well. Sleeping well, eating well, and exercise are all prerequisites to finding peace and balance.

The past week, I had been conducting a caffeine experiment. I had gotten off it for a week, which seemed to make a difference for my nursed baby, Maya, who seemed less fussy and slept better, which allowed me to sleep and feel more balanced.

Then over the weekend, out came the regular coffee & Chai. Things noticeably deteriorated, not being helped by the heat. My sleep suffered drastically. So after three days of caffeine, I’m off again. Last night, with some herbal help, I managed at least six hours of sleep, and I am a new person.

The sunshine feels more pleasant, the birds sound relaxing, and there is some peace again in the world.

Unexpected Ending

 Musing on Death  Comments Off on Unexpected Ending
Jul 102009
 

We came back from our first real family vacation with our baby on Sunday the 5th. I learned that my oldest sister had been in the hospital the past three weeks and was on a ventilator. I wanted to make immediate plans to go over, but was told there would not be anything I could do as she was sedated and would not be aware of my presence. The doctors were going to try some different things and she was stable. She had a cold that she used over the counter drugs for at first, but developed into something so severe she had to be on a ventilator. We decided we would potentially go over the following weekend. I hoped to see her when she was well and could appreciate seeing my baby.

On Monday evening, the 6th, at about 10pm Eastern time, my sister passed. It was unbelievable that something so bizarre could hit so close to home, to someone so young and so much to live for at 47. I had looked forward to the mending and nurturing of the relationship, a push that had apparently been prompted by the passing of my father this past December. It is unfortunate that the relationship had not been nurtured already prior to her passing, as with my father. She was maternal to me as a child and I will treasure the memory of her from then.

I am feeling more aware of the passage of time. There is so much that I want to do, see, and accomplish before my time “is up.” I want to live my life as richly as possible.

The best way I can see to honor someone once they pass is to learn from their life and values. What did they believe in? From my experience and recollection of my sister, she was a devoted housewife most of her life. She was very into trying to keep a clean, nurturing home and took domestic endeavors seriously. I appreciate and relate to this. I believe a home should be run as smoothly and lovingly as possible. It should be a refuge for all and it takes much effort to make it so!

The past few days, I have felt a pull to clean and thought of her as I cleaned and decluttered my home. It lifted my spirits to see the end result. I imagined her smiling. I know caring for my family the best I can is one significant way of honoring her life; taking care of myself will allow me to do so for as long as I can.

Dear sister, I hope your soul is at peace. Thank you for all that you have done for me. You have raised two children into adults you can be proud of and have thereby left a positive, meaningful, and enduring imprint on the planet.

Musing on Marriage

 Musing on Marriage  Comments Off on Musing on Marriage
Jun 252009
 

An observation I am making of my 2-year marriage (as of 7/7/09) is that the best I can do for it is to not take myself too seriously and keep things light.  My husband and I have been blessed with a good, similar sense of humor, and the more it is utilized, the closer and happier we are.  I also am realizing that the more grounded I keep myself by taking care of myself at different levels, I am able to give the best of myself to him.  I am also learning that I have to make an effort to keep the spark fresh between us, when it is easy to get wrapped up in family duties.

Another connecting area for us is an appreciation of tennis.  He has been playing much of his life and I am a beginner, along with my 11-year-old son.  It is nice sharing this passion as a couple and family.  It is a way to bond.  It will be a treat to watch our infant daughter eventually learn to play so that we can one day all play together.

Sometimes we are not able to spend much time together due to responsibilities or go away on our own.  We will be going to CA this weekend for a week as a family vacation and Anniversary celebration.  We will have to be creative and find opportunities to be a couple whenever possible, such as when the kids are sleeping.  Having separate rooms part of the trip will help.  It will also be important to find moments throughout the day to flirt, compliment, and just remind each other of our mutual attraction.

It has been said that in a successful marriage, you get up more than you fall down.  This marriage article points to other good tips on maintaining marital harmony:  CNN Article on Marriage