Location Affects Life With Baby

 Motherhood  Comments Off on Location Affects Life With Baby
Aug 272009
 

Life is different depending on where you live when staying home with the baby.  In the suburbs of the US, it can be isolating and mind-numbing.  It’s so quiet, you can hear crickets outside.  Whereas, in India, there is always activity and other stay-at-home moms as neighbors that you can see outside, along with the kids.  Quiet is not a word one would use for most areas of India.

As with anything, life with baby at home is a question of perspective.  Whereas it could be tedious; it is also a break from the rat race.  Having been in the traditional work world a while, I don’t glorify it.  At 30, after having my son, I was more anxious to get out and work, even though I could have stayed home longer.  Post-baby life was somewhat of a shock, which it isn’t so much after having my daughter at 40.

I now recognize that I have to actively seek out and build the social life I desire.  This is fine to me.  I didn’t necessarily appreciate my limited social prospects in traditional work environments.  I can join the groups I feel connected to and connect only with the individuals that interest me.

Still, I bet there are many differences in life with baby even in the US and where one lives in a city – whether in an urban environment or the suburbs.  It would be nice to live in an area where one can enjoy a nice yard and get out and see activity and people.  Maybe by this time next year, this vision can be a reality.

Being an Asian Indian and American

 Musing on Identity  1 Response »
Jul 312009
 

For almost the past two years, I have been trying to start an Indian importing business called Komal Style Boutique.  I am originally from India, so have a natural attachment to anything Indian and want to combine that with my interest in business and having a venue to be able to do socially-conscious work in India.  I’ve come to learn over the years that my interest in India may be greater than it is to many who are from India and that it is somewhat complicated as I have also had some frustrations with my heritage.  At times, I have had a “love/hate” relationship with India.  As an Indian/American going to India, I have been frustrated by not being able to efficiently get things done and struggling with issues such as finding a decent toilet when traveling there.  That was quickly surpassed by seeing all the beauty and spirit around me;  in the smiles on the faces of villagers and the serenity of women going about their daily rituals.

I am also proud to be an American and to have grown up here.  The pride in being both an American and an Indian have at times conflicted.  I’ve defended Americans when Indians said they don’t care about the elderly.  I had personal experience at the time of knowing someone who took great care of his elderly mother.  I’ve defended India against limited views and perspectives some Americans have had of the country, such as believing it is just like what they might see on a Sally Struthers commercial depicting people struggling with poverty. Many Indians take offense to this view and for this reason object to movies like “Slum Dog Millionaire.”  They want people to know that Indian life is much more broad and India is emerging very rapidly as a country to be reckoned with.  In fact, the most new  millionaires have been from India recently.

There is a huge increasing middle-class and the normal middle-class lifestyle of having a cook, maid, nanny, and perhaps a driver.  They didn’t understand the simplicity of life and the ordinariness of it at times, how the days for many women consisted of domestic pursuits such as making sure there were three great meals, visiting neighbors and relatives over savory snacks and chai, and of course getting a nap in every day around 3pm.  It is a pleasant, mellow life.  In comparison, most women here are running around trying to multi-task as much as possible to try to cross a few things off on their “Things to do list.”

It is good to understand different cultures and have respect for one another.  Americans would want people in other cultures to know that life here is more than what they see in an old John Wayne western.  It’s perhaps a good start, though, to getting a glimpse of the wonderful American spirit.

Being an ABCD

 Asian Indian Culture, Musing on Identity  3 Responses »
Jul 282009
 

As someone who has been raised in the US (but from India), that makes me an “ABCD – American Born Confused Desi (“Desi” means “from India”).” This designation is in contrast to an “FOB (Fresh off the Boat).” I was once married to an FOB who enlightened me on my label, with some derision, of course. We regularly engaged in some good-natured debating on who was “better.” I felt I was eclectic – able to choose what was best from two cultures and make it my own, a part of who I am. He thought I was just confused. Maybe so. I know that other ABCDs I’ve known have felt the same way, mostly confused.

As teens, we talked about our longing for India – the country and people left behind. To some extent, we felt that we were temporary visitors to the US. As a female, I felt that I left “sisters” behind – females who did not have the advantages I would by living in a country where opportunities were abundant.

Many of our parents were glad to have brought us to the country to further our lives. Yet at the same time, there was resistance to our mixing in too much with the “West.” We were to retain as much “Indianness” as possible, whatever that meant at the moment. There was much resistance, particularly with my own family, to a culture that was attractive enough to warrant moving here. I wondered at times, growing up, why we did move here if it was so terrible.

When I married the FOB, as was the plan for me, I learned that while I was busy measuring up to an Indian standard handed down to me, Indians in India were becoming more and more “American.” How ironic. I learned that my FOB spouse had in some ways already lived a more American life than I had, in India.

The country was evolving, even more rapidly recently. These days, it seems one can feel as American or Indian as one wants regardless of the country they actually live in. It’s really more a state of mind rather than actual geographic place. It’s possibly best to not even make a distinction. We’re just individuals influenced by our backgrounds at different levels.