Turning 50

 Finding Meaning  Comments Off on Turning 50
Jun 092018
 

Today is my birthday. I’m turning 50.

I wondered if the world would explode today, but so far, it hasn’t. My air conditioning unit, however, did sort of blow up when it stopped working yesterday.

Having no air conditioning is a harsh way to begin my 50th year and at the start of summer. The temperature in my house has reached 86 degrees so far.

I’ve been steadily working towards the commemoration of my 50th birthday today for the past two years. I’ve made conscious efforts to clean up my life and prepare for this day. These efforts have included letting go of toxic relationships, including my marriage. In a few weeks, I will be divorced one year.

There’s no denying middle age now, it’s solidly here. What also can’t be denied now is facing my mortality. Why am I here? What do I want to be about for my remaining years? What purpose will my life serve? These are heavy questions to consider as I tackle day-to-day challenges.

More than any other aspect, my celebration today is a spiritual one. I celebrate myself, my journey, my struggles overcome so far and that I will continue to overcome in the future.

I acknowledge and commemorate my courage to live as authentically as possible.

Managing Stress

 Attitude, Finding balance, Gratitude, Happiness, Humor, Outlook, Philosophy, Self-Care  1 Response »
Apr 242011
 

Think about a relaxing waterfall.

Are you highly stressed or anxious?  Stress can wreak havoc on our health in many ways.  Here are some ways to manage it:

Keep Perspective

It is important to keep perspective.  When you feel up, keep notes.  When you feel down, take notes.  When you are down, read these notes to see how you got through it, and more importantly, that you did get through it.

When you are up, enjoy it, and know that you may go down…Don’t take life too seriously!  Remember that the only thing that remains constant is change, “this too shall pass.”

    Laugh

    Maintain a sense of humor and try to find something funny in everyday life.  Be around people that make you laugh.  Watch shows that make you laugh.  Find as many ways as possible  to laugh as much as you can daily.

    Journal

    Work through issues by writing down what is blocking you from the direction you want to go.  Is it you or external events?  What is going well?  What are you grateful for?  Make a list of what you want in all areas of your life.  Diagram the different areas – mental, physical, emotional, spiritual.  Fill in the boxes with what is working.  Which block seems more empty?  That area needs attention.

      Develop a support system

      Ensure you have adequate support to help you when times are tough.  Be comfortable with utilizing professional support including life coaches in addition to friends.  Even pets can be a source of comfort.

       

       

       

      Parenthood and Perfectionism

       Attitude, Children, Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Motherhood, Parenting, Philosophy  Comments Off on Parenthood and Perfectionism
      Mar 032011
       

      Imperfect self-feeding

      Parenthood and perfectionism is of course a misnomer.  I doubt there has ever been a parent that felt “perfect.”  Probably the biggest mistake parents make is to expect such a standard from themselves and then kick themselves for not reaching it.  Guilt seems synonymous with being parents.  We never feel we are doing enough or being enough for our kids.

      A New York Times article on Perfectionist Parents points to a study that expectant moms that have the highest expectations of themselves as parents are more likely to suffer postpartum depression later when self-imposed standards are not met.  A reader shared advice from her doctor when she became pregnant:  “She explained that I had just lost control of my life and had nine months to make peace with it.  It was the best advice I was ever given on parenting.”  Another reader commented that she found parenthood to be the perfect antidote for perfectionism.

      Maybe a solution is to allow for some mediocrity and then pat ourselves when we go above that.  It could mean less guilt and stress when our standard is not so high all the time.

      Parents commonly compare their kids – I have been guilty of the same.  We want to know the status of our children by making sure they are doing at least what other kids their age and gender are doing.  Parenting is the only job and role where we don’t get feedback.  Even our marriage partners will certainly let us know if we fall in expected standards!

      Alas, parenthood, expectations of perfection, and of course the resulting guilt go hand-in-hand.  There are not many parents that begin the day with thinking “I will just try to get through the day or just try to make sure that my child survives.”  However, it may help on certain days to just tell yourself, “hey, everybody made it alive today!”  And try to go to bed peacefully and without guilt…

      Adjusting to the unexpected

       Attitude, Finding balance, Outlook  Comments Off on Adjusting to the unexpected
      Apr 012010
       

      My left hand post-surgery

      I hadn’t expected to be nursing a fractured hand at the beginning of April, along with related lifestyle changes.  This includes not driving.  Today marks the two-week anniversary of my fall fracturing my hand and also of not driving.  I probably haven’t driven for longer but it was good to know that I could.  I have also had to have help doing some basic things like opening a jar and anything requiring two hands.  Most significantly, I’ve had to have help caring for Maya.

      For the first week following the accident, I leaned on Colin during his Spring break.  He maintained a good attitude while helping to carry her up and down the stairs, in and out of her high chair and even during diaper changes.  He held her down with his eyes closed and holding his breath while I used my right hand for the dirty work.  Although it wasn’t an ideal Spring break for him, it was probably healthy for him to be needed and to be helpful to his old lady!  I have to get him trained for when I’m older. 😉

      This past week, we have been able to utilize the assistance of a 23 year-old neighbor who has not been working.  It’s been a good match since she has been able to make some money while we are getting some flexible help.  As an added bonus, we got to know of some general babysitting assistance for when we are ready to go date.  We may end up with a choice of four sitters, whereas two weeks ago, we knew of no one in the area.  We had canceled potentially seeing our favorite singer, Michael Buble, perform as a result.

      Over-all, I am trying to take each day as it comes and stay occupied with my interests along with my family responsibilities.  I added to my writing tasks right after the fall, by joining Examiner among other projects.  I don’t want to focus on the setback with my hand.  I want to focus on all that I have and on moving forward.  I will do what I can with one hand and will just be more efficient with two.

      Tomorrow, it will be one week since my surgery and I will be meeting with my surgeon.  I expect that my bandage will be removed and then I imagine throwing up upon looking at the state of my hand.  Right before the surgery, he told me he would use a plate instead of pins for my broken metacarpals and that it does not need to be taken out and that it would be noticeable.  He also said he would use cadaver bone for the parts where my bone turned to powder.  He said that although the cadaver bone has been tested, it could still have HIV.  He said the cut area of the hand would protrude and then go down.  Aggghhhh!  I was hearing all this after being doped up and just pictured a monstrous hand after the surgery and that is what I’m imagining I’ll see tomorrow…