Recently, the topic of balancing individual activities with the rest of our lives came up in my marriage, as I imagine it does in most marriages. Especially when we have been single for a while and enter into marriage a little later, it can be an adjustment looking at the activities that have been a part of our lives and determining what will continue to be a part of our lives and what needs some modification at least.

An example of such an activity for Porter is tennis. He has grown up being engaged with the sport and has spent much time and probably money in lessons. His passion for tennis was an attraction to me as I appreciate someone being focused on athleticism and fitness and specifically like the sport. Our level of attachment to tennis is not the same, though. My desire is not as committed and is more about enjoyment – being outside, being social, and getting fit without risking one’s life, as in some other sports. I do not feel a desire for competitiveness, whereas Porter does.

Colin taking tennis lessons

So the topic has come up about his level of involvement in tennis this year and meeting his desire for competitiveness while meeting the needs of his marriage and family. It can be a touchy conversation as I don’t want to be in the position of telling my mate what to do. I feel we all have to figure out the balancing act for ourselves constantly. We can’t have someone else do it for us. I felt that he had the primary information on what his potential commitment would entail and its implication in terms of time and money. He has to figure out how it would play out in terms of creating the balance needed. If I didn’t get enough attention, he would probably hear about it! 😉

I have to figure out the balancing act constantly, as does any Mom who is also trying to pursue other interests on the side. I want to nurture my family and at the same time nurture myself. I recognize that if I don’t nurture myself, it will be more challenging to nurture my family. It is not a smooth process as it seems something is always falling through the cracks and not everything gets the right amount of attention. This probably touches on the vast topic of a struggle with perfection.

Yesterday, for instance, my almost-walking daughter, Maya, grabbed a glass of water from the dining table and it shattered all around her. I ran out of the restroom yelling her name in time to grab her before she took a step and stepped in glass and thanked God that it hadn’t flown on her. I reproached myself for not having been more vigilant about the glass being within her reach and for not taking her in the restroom with me or securing her in her playpen or crib when stepping away. I needed to focus more energy on keeping the home more baby-proofed.

So it seems something is always being neglected. While I’m writing this, I could be doing laundry, dishes, or taxes, to name a few competing responsibilities. I don’t have a perfect solution or formula. What I try to do is to allow appropriate time to different needs and desires to find that elusive sense of balance. Maya is currently napping, which ends up being the only time I can do something that is about my interests. I try to be efficient so I can cram in other necessities, such as taking a shower.

So my struggle for balance involves managing my different responsibilities and interests everyday to be as healthy and happy as I can be. Competitiveness is not an element that factors in much for me. I may have it in a broad, general sense that I do not want to be a “loser” and will always try to get in a sense of productivity and growth from my days. I’ll never be seen spending my day eating bonbons or napping away the day. I’m restless and will always be working on something. Maybe I compete with myself. Where are you on the range of competitiveness and how do you factor this in to achieve balance with the rest of your life?