Nov 162016
 

You love me…

but only want a small piece of me,

the piece you accept and approve.

You love me,

but don’t see me.

You love me,

but don’t hear me.

You love me,

but would rather not be with me.

You love me,

but don’t know me.

You love me,

but you lie to me.

You love me,

but you betray me.

You love me,

but you lost me..

 

I have to let all of you go,

to find the love

that accepts all of me…

10 Ways to Build Trust

 Communication, Finding balance, Outlook, Philosophy, Relationships  Comments Off on 10 Ways to Build Trust
Mar 102011
 

Building trust with my pets and children

All relationships are built on trust.  It affects how we see others and the world, how we approach situations and how much we’re willing to do for others.  High levels of trust allow us to be relaxed and at our best, while low levels make us uncomfortable.  Here are ten tips to help build trust in relationships:

  1. Keep it confidential.  Be a trustworthy listener and respect the confidence placed in you by not sharing personal information.
  2. Keep your promises and follow through with commitments.  You are seen as reliable when you keep promises and follow through with commitments.  Do what you say, even for small things.
  3. Forgive and move on.  You must be able to forgive and move on to build trusting relationships.  Try to let go of old issues, arguments, and resentments from the past.
  4. Realize that trust is up to you. We are responsible for building trust in relationships, especially new ones.
  5. Trust people who are different from you. It takes much more work to trust people that hold different values, beliefs, and opinions that are different from us.  Look for common interests and use inclusive language that does not alienate others.
  6. Tell the truth. Honesty attracts trusting and trustworthy people.  Admit when you are wrong and make amends as needed.
  7. Communicate openly and honestly. Sharing information openly and honestly allows others to trust your intentions.  Avoid name-calling and negative labels.  Watch your body language and tone.
  8. Be a good listener. Listening well is one of the best ways to show you care and build trust.  Focus on the one talking and don’t try to accomplish other tasks at the same time.
  9. Work at building trust when there is a problem. Talk with the person that disappointed you and find ways to trust the person in smaller ways and allow the trust to be rebuilt over time in bigger areas.
  10. Learn to recognize whom to trust. Do not blindly trust everyone you meet.  Instead, look for signs that the person can be trusted.

Source:  Ceridian Corp.

Communication Series – Intro

 Communication, Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Relationships  Comments Off on Communication Series – Intro
Nov 122009
 


Being on my third marriage, an area of vital importance I’ve been exposed to is communication. Obviously, for one reason or another, I have not always been successful (or my companion). It’s hard to know who to blame at times or if anyone can be blamed. I just know that for various reasons, it just doesn’t always work. Some of those reasons include a gender-basis, my past experiences and the companion’s, or my luck in who I’m with or poor skills in picking a companion! That last part can have tons of psychological stuff behind it, like picking people like our parents, functional or not, because of stuff we’re trying to work out! ***sigh*** It can feel hopeless at times and the world of being single and not having to put effort in this area seems tempting to many…

Alas, we must try to learn about the art of communication if we desire building connection with our mates and children. As we feel rewarded for our growth in this area through greater connection, we also feel better individually. We feel more confident, more confident, and more joyful. Without good communication, we begin to feel disconnected and empty.

Issues in my marriages were varied, but difficulty in communication played a big role. After my first arranged marriage (without choice) at 18 ceased after 5 years of my plugging away probably needlessly, communication with the individual was also terminated indefinitely (without my choice). It seemed strange to share intimacy and build a life including a social circle in a new city for 5 years and then pretend those 5 years and everything related to those years didn’t exist. All my efforts seemed wasted. Over the years, I tried to glean some value from the years, including how I could have communicated better, to include asserting myself through communication. Some of this struggle seemed thwarted by my Asian Indian upbringing (maybe another series in the future!).

Enter the next phase of my marital relationship and other communication struggles, bigger and for twice the number of years, and partly still continuous through a child. This time, my lack of experience with my myself, the opposite gender, and the world (thanks partly to my conflicted, strict Asian Indian upbringing) contributed to what Steven Covey has stated, “placing my ladder up against the wrong building.” No matter how much I tried to climb, I was still up against the wrong building! That became apparent only after 10 years of struggling to communicate and trying to feel like I was getting somewhere. All I was achieving was losing even more years of my life to a useless cause.

Once we are beyond being in relationships that are wrong for us and where communication is not the issue, but rather finding a worthwhile “building to place our ladders up against first,” we can then focus on trying to communicate to build connection. That is where I feel I am now. Stay tuned for a continuation on this topic – Part 1 of what I have learned and trying to learn and practice.

My Family and I 7/8/09

My Family and I 7/8/09