Finding Meaning - Pria's Ponderings

Sad day for CO

Finding Meaning, Gratitude, Loss, Outlook, Philosophy, Spirituality, Thoughts 1 Response »

Jul 202012

I along with fellow Colorado residents woke up this morning to the sad news of another shooting. I’m sure many that are at least as old as me were transported to that day when there was breaking news of Columbine. My now 14 year-old teen was an infant as I, a new mom then, was trying to reconcile the world my child was born into…He of course does not remember that day as he connects with fellow teens on what has occurred today. I wonder what they are saying and how they comfort one another with their limited time on this planet. I’m not certain how the rest of us console one another.

I don’t know what experience in this world teaches us about these events. It is particularly hard to hear and understand when the victims are children. In this case, even a three-month old. Spiritually and as a mom, this is particularly difficult. I’m sure all moms would want to hug and hold this child’s mom along with the moms of the other children, such as a six year-old and fourteen year-old (that could have been my teen). One victim had survived a previous shooting. She had a strange feeling and had walked out of a mall just before the shooting.

A common difficult feeling most of us feel during times like these is that of helplessness. In this case, it occurred at midnight, when most of us were sleeping. It was the first thing I heard about when barely awake, before my first cup of coffee. But life had to go on, we had to get ready for work and get our daughter ready for daycare. As the day wore on, we learned more. The children that lost lives, from 3 months to 14 years. My child’s beloved daycare teacher’s husband was there, covering a teen boy with his body to shield him. A City of Aurora employee, my spouse can see the theater from his building at the Aurora Municipal Center. This tragedy will impact him and his colleagues even more. I imagine there would be permanent changes to their work culture and how they view their jobs and city.

It is strange to think I was just at the Aurora Municipal Center the previous weekend with our daughter to attend the city’s kid festival, “Kidspree,” where my husband was volunteering. There was a huge turn-out from Aurora and the focus was on innocence and fun for the kids. Some Aurora police officers were there, on their bikes, with not much to do but enjoy the event. Kids were on the karaoke machine back to back, belting out songs including those from Adele.

One of the thoughts that comes next for most us is regarding what, if anything, we can do. From a big picture, it is challenging. How can such a tragedy be prevented? Are the violent movies to blame? Is there inadequate or not enough mental health services? How and why did this student get to this stage? Is this another case of a “lost” boy as mentioned during Columbine? Are we not taking adequate care of some of our boys so they can grow up to be caring and responsible members of society? These are tough, complicated questions with probable tough, complicated answers. At the same time, such questions and others should be asked and answers should be sought, however complicated they may be.

In the meantime, there are pragmatic, immediate actions that can be done to help if desired. The American Red Cross Mile High Chapter is seeking donations to help the families displaced or hurt by this violence. The Bonfils Blood Center is requesting donations of O-Negative and A-Negative blood to help them restore their bank following the numerous surgeries related to injuries sustained during the shooting.

This tragedy reminds us to hold our loved ones close, count our blessings, and to be appreciative of our fragile time here.

Loss and Gain

Attitude, Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Gratitude, Outlook, Personal Growth, Philosophy Comments Off

Mar 312011

My sleeping gain

Lately, I’ve had to come to terms with the idea of loss more – something I think I’ve had to deal with in varying degrees with some challenging peaks. It got to an overwhelming point and I had to remind myself how I got to the other “normal” side before.

Loss is something we deal with everyday at different levels. Everyday, our bodies are 1 day older and we gradually have to let go of a previous notion of what we could expect. We become one day older and we have to let go of the previous day in order to embrace a new day and all that it offers.

One aspect of loss is that it is often one side of a coin. If we can manage to look enough, we can sometimes see the gain on the other side. I experienced this gain as I kissed my smiling toddler before she went to slept. This miraculous creature was in my life now and had not been there only two short years ago. It is true that when one door is shut, another often opens, even if we have to be patient and wait for it or try to have enough awareness to notice it.

Parenthood and Perfectionism

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Mar 032011

Imperfect self-feeding

Parenthood and perfectionism is of course a misnomer. I doubt there has ever been a parent that felt “perfect.” Probably the biggest mistake parents make is to expect such a standard from themselves and then kick themselves for not reaching it. Guilt seems synonymous with being parents. We never feel we are doing enough or being enough for our kids.

A New York Times article on Perfectionist Parents points to a study that expectant moms that have the highest expectations of themselves as parents are more likely to suffer postpartum depression later when self-imposed standards are not met. A reader shared advice from her doctor when she became pregnant: “She explained that I had just lost control of my life and had nine months to make peace with it. It was the best advice I was ever given on parenting.” Another reader commented that she found parenthood to be the perfect antidote for perfectionism.

Maybe a solution is to allow for some mediocrity and then pat ourselves when we go above that. It could mean less guilt and stress when our standard is not so high all the time.

Parents commonly compare their kids – I have been guilty of the same. We want to know the status of our children by making sure they are doing at least what other kids their age and gender are doing. Parenting is the only job and role where we don’t get feedback. Even our marriage partners will certainly let us know if we fall in expected standards!

Alas, parenthood, expectations of perfection, and of course the resulting guilt go hand-in-hand. There are not many parents that begin the day with thinking “I will just try to get through the day or just try to make sure that my child survives.” However, it may help on certain days to just tell yourself, “hey, everybody made it alive today!” And try to go to bed peacefully and without guilt…

A Friend’s Trip to Elephant Nature Park – Part 2

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Oct 082010

“My first trip to ENP was in November 2009, for a week. There were about 30 volunteers and we were divided up into groups of two teams. The volunteers essentially help with the overall upkeep of the sanctuary and support of the elephants.

The first day, my team and I were the “POO CREW”. While the elephants are on their daily walks, we go into their

Nasiya and her friend Marleen (two of the members of the "Poo Crew") collecting elephant dung so one day the fibers can be made into Elephant Dung paper products.

carrals and clean up their elephant dung and urine. Now, before you scrunch up your nose and dismiss all possibilities of ever volunteering with ENP, let me tell you: it’s NOT that bad! Since the elephants have a vegetarian diet, their dung is really not pungent (if anything, the urine is a bit smelly, but it’s not that wi

despread through their carral). We scoop the dung up and then transport it to a reserve so it can be used to create beautiful elephant dung paper. Another way to make money for the sanctuary!

"Cutting grass for the elephants' afternoon munch-time"

Other jobs we did as volunteers that week included washing the elephants’ fruits/vegetables and preparing their food baskets, cutting corn and grass for the elephants, bathing the elephants, feeding them, repairing/maintaining certain areas of the park, planting/watering trees (since it was the dry season), etc. The work was never extremely difficult or strenuous.

"Feeding baskets being carried by volunteers. Each elephant has a certain amount of food that they need everyday."

We received plenty of breaks and our volunteer coordinators made sure that we were well hydrated during the day. It was the best volunteering experience, as I’ve been on volunteer trips where I’ve stood around a lot, waiting for things to do. It wasn’t like that at ENP. There was plenty of work, but it was enjoyable.

As far as accommodations, we stayed in these simple but lovely bungalows. The bathrooms are with a western shower and toilet and cleaned every day. I received my own room and the best part was that my room was right next to the carrals where the two babies, Faa Mai and Chang Yim lived. Every morning, before breakfast, I would visit with the adorable little rascals and every afternoon before I went to my room to wash up, I would visit again while Lek sung the babies a lullaby and put them to sleep. It’s one of the most beautiful things you could witness.

The food? THE FOOD. It is INCREDIBLE!! I don’t think I’ve eaten this well…ever! I usually end up gaining a few pounds after visiting ENP, despite the work I do during the day. We pile our plates with so many items, it’s heavenly. Plus, being a vegetarian, it was perfect for me, as most of the dishes were free of animal products. Even carnivores are very happy after eating at ENP!!

Not only is ENP home to rescued elephants, but there are also rescued dogs, cats, buffalo, cows and other animals! Lek encourages the rescue of any animal, and condemns any form of animal tourism/entertainment. In addition to that, Lek provides work for the local villagers by employing them at the sanctuary. There are even ladies who come after dinner and provide Thai foot and full body massages, starting at only 350 Thai Bhat!

No wonder this is one of my favorite places on the planet.”

A Friend’s Memorable Volunteer Trip – Part 1 of 3

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Oct 042010

"A lovely early morning walk with the elephants and their mahouts"

A friend that I met through the local vegetarian meet-up, Nasiya Amoroso, has impressed me with her volunteer efforts, along with those of her husband’s. This past Spring, she told me about a trip she was going to embark on to an elephant sanctuary that sounded particularly enticing. Then I thought about my family responsibilities and decided I will go when my toddler is older. I asked her to allow me and others to experience it vicariously at least, by sharing her experience on my blog. Following is her description of her trip, in her own words, in three parts. Stay tuned the next few days for the remaining parts.

Part 1

“I try to take a volunteer vacation every year and I usually try to experience a different volunteer location every time. So, I couldn’t understand why my husband chose to return to Zambia every year to build houses. I understand about commitment and wanting to establish roots in one location so you can see progress (which is what lead him to create www.zambiabuild.org), but I always felt the urge to try something new every year.

That is, until I discovered Elephant Nature Park outside Chiang Mai, Thailand: www.elephantnaturepark.org

I’m an animal advocate, but surprisingly have never been on a volunteer trip that directly affects animals. But my experience at the Elephant Nature Park (ENP) was absolutely surreal and each time it leaves me with the wheels turning, making plans for the “next time”.

Elephant trekking, circus shows, elephant street begging, elephant painting, and other forms of elephant tourism may seem harmless and make the elephants look “happy” doing what they do. But, there’s nothing “happy” about their situation. Most of these elephants go through the Thai pajaan technique (look it up online) or other forms of torture in order to make them submissive. If you see an elephant holding a paintbrush about to create a beautiful work of art, or riding a bicycle…THINK about what they might have gone through before performing that task.

The goal of ENP is to provide a safe haven for abused and/or neglected elephants so they can live a life as close to their natural habitat as possible. Lek, the founder, has rescued over 30 elephants with extremely heartbreaking stories. It’s hard to come here and not shed any tears. The history of the rescued elephants are heartbreaking. But the good thing is the tears you shed may also be tears of relief, as these majestic creatures are finally living a life they deserve to live.

ENP not only takes volunteers for days, weeks or months, but it’s also a revolutionary way to support ethical eco-tourism, as day visitors are also welcome. You get to support the park and the rescue of these poor elephants through your volunteer dollars or park entrance fee. But, you are not supporting the exploitation or abuse of these elephants since they are not in chains, nor confined and no bull-hooks are used. The elephants live their lives naturally, and you still get interaction with the elephants (you even have the opportunity to bathe them!). Each elephant has a full-time mahout, so I never felt unsafe around any of the elephants.”

The Story of Mae Do

"Mae Do, one of the saddest stories before her rescue from ENP"

Doing something here when disaster strikes there

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Aug 282010

It is an interesting issue of perspective when disasters strike far from us and how much it impacts us here. Often times, it is the role of the media that plays a big part in how emotionally connected we feel. If the media does not discuss or show emotionally charged images of a disaster, people are less inclined to reach out.

Every place on the planet is far away for someone and thus can be cause for one to feel disengaged. With the advancement of technology, places have become closer and closer. Our world is more similar than dissimilar. A relative recently commented on a photo of my daughter in Utah. He said it looked like a photo of my ancestral village in Pakistan. Both are deserts and geographically very similar.

We are all vulnerable one way or another. If a disaster involved us, we would want the world to reach out to us. Pakistanis affected by the floods, especially the children, deserve to be assisted. They did not ask for this, just as the Haitians did not ask for the earthquake. The magnitude of the disaster in Pakistan may end up being the greatest of the decade, yet the aid thus far has been a fraction of that provided for other recent tragedies. The following article may provide some insight into why this is occurring:

4 Reasons Why Americans Aren’t Giving for Pakistan Flood Relief – International – The Atlantic

The comments below the article are interesting. I am attaching the following that resonated in particular for me:

“Uncle_Fred

5 days ago

Wow. I don’t understand it. Here before us is America’s chance to make a positive difference. We all know this is a part of the world that associates the American brand with bombs and drones.

America is missing a golden opportunity.

Aren’t the troops and equipment a hop across the border? If they got the goods and the manpower, why isn’t America there to help these people?

Imagine the reaction in the Muslim world if they were beamed imagines of Americans helping Pakistanis in great numbers, assisting them as brothers in need. This could throw a wrench in the propaganda arsenal that radicals use to inflame militancy.

As an added benefit, it might help to stabilize the Pakistani element to the Afghanistan resistance. American soldiers might get to go home sooner!

Yes, it can be argued that previous help was ineffective in changing hearts and minds. A perfect example of this would be the earthquake that rocked the region a few years back. Nevertheless, the US has spent far more money and time bombing Pakistan then helping it.

Show the world your good intentions Americans. Show these people that you’re not their enemy. Consequently, the ill-will large swaths of the Muslim world feels towards poor US foreign policy can be partly alleviated.”

Support UNICEF’s flood disaster relief for the children of Pakistan

Honoring our 40th Earth Day

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Apr 222010

Today is the 40th anniversary of Earth Day and it’s a great day to reflect on ways we can be more environmentally-conscious. Being conscious of my actions on the environment is a daily part of my life. Ways that I maintain this consciousness on a regular basis include recycling and being a vegetarian.

I have been a vegetarian my entire life. My diet and lifestyle began as a result of being from a vegetarian Indian family. I’m glad I was raised that way as it seems much easier to just remain in the lifestyle rather than switching. I chose to give my kids that gift by raising them vegetarian.

As a teenager, I researched vegetarianism and decided the lifestyle made sense to me at numerous levels, including environmental. I was interviewed by the Vegetarian Times regarding my thoughts and beliefs. I chose vegetarianism as my topic for Original Oratory in debate class competitions in high school. I memorized the speech overnight and competed the next day with veterans. I ended up being a quarter-finalist in the state of NC. Judges told me that the speech opened their eyes and they would consider the diet. I think the part of my speech that stood out the most for them was regarding the composition of hot dogs.

As an adult, I’m devoted to recycling. My husband might call me somewhat of a hoarder at times because I don’t like to waste anything. I was the first in my neighborhood to request an extra green bin from my town to hold my recycling and had my second regular black bin picked up (never need it). In my family, we are trained to evaluate every piece of trash and determine if it goes into our recycling bin or regular trash bin. This includes my preteen son.

I rarely use paper towels, preferring dish cloths for wiping up spills. We regularly use cloth napkins at meals. We use energy-efficient bulbs throughout the house along with any appliance purchases. Left-over food is stored for future meals or given to our dogs. Dogs can help a lot with recycling and preventing waste. We make sure our dishwasher and washing machine is completely full before running it. I remind my husband at least a few times a week to stop idling when I’m in the car with him.

We also compost. We have a compost bin in our yard and are trying to perfect the art and science of composting. Next to our trash and recycling containers in my kitchen pantry, we also have a compost container. In there we put our vegetable scraps and anything else that can be composted, like dryer lint. My husband and I debate somewhat the ingredients that will result in perfect compost. It is a shared interest and goes perfectly with my gardening interest. I like that not only am I not wasting and creating more junk for landfills, but helping my yard and garden out at the same time.

At my boutique, I offer environmentally-conscious fabric gift bags. They are reusable, affordable, and save trees by replacing paper.

Fabric gift bags at Komal Style Boutique

What are ways that you honor the Earth in your life?

Talking deeply, being happier

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Apr 212010

It has been reported recently in the New York Times that those who talk deeply are happier. I’ve assumed this at some level and have always had a desire to engage deeply in conversations. Blogging about finding balance and meaning is my way of talking deeply (and not) to anyone willing to read my muses.

Finding others with such an interest is not very common, particularly in the dating scene I experienced. Small talk can get boring fast if it doesn’t lead to more depth. To engage in deep conversations, people have to be willing to expose themselves at some level.

The article states that “substantive conversation seemed to hold the key to happiness for two main reasons:

human beings are driven to find and create meaning in their lives
we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people.

By engaging in meaningful conversations, we manage to impose meaning on an otherwise pretty chaotic world. And interpersonally, as you find this meaning, you bond with your interactive partner, and we know that interpersonal connection and integration is a core fundamental foundation of happiness.”

If talking deeply has not been your thing, you can experiment by trying to do some more every day and see how you feel, perhaps with your significant other. You may find that you two become more intimate. If you are male, I can almost assure you of it as a female. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a female friend complain that her mate spoke too deeply with her.

Source: New York Times

Suicide Prevention

Finding Meaning, Finding Purpose Comments Off

Mar 162010

I would like to start featuring individuals that I feel are doing work that is particularly meaningful. The topic of suicide prevention is a difficult one for many to think about and discuss. Yet suicide has affected the lives of many.

I first was exposed to the issue as a teen when working for a counseling hot-line that began accepting suicide calls. Speaking with individuals in such a challenging state was profound. I myself struggled with the issue in my former marriage. I could relate to the concept of losing one’s perspective when in a dysfunctional circumstance. I have also lost an uncle and a cousin by suicide, possibly related to bipolar disorder.

A friend I met at my son’s baby playgroup in 1998 and now also attending my Unitarian church, Sally Spencer-Thomas, shares her work on suicide prevention.

“On December 7, 2004, my younger brother Carson died by suicide after a difficult struggle with bipolar disorder, and my life was forever changed. I had been a psychologist and counselor for over a decade, and I knew a lot of things about mental health, but after this experience my soul has shifted. I have dedicated my life to both celebrating my brother’s amazing entrepreneurial spirit and preventing what happened to him from happening to others.

In the Spring of 2005 our family and Carson’s friends established a nonprofit called, The Carson J Spencer Foundation . We envision a world where leaders and communities are dedicated to sustaining a passion for life. We sustain a passion for life through suicide prevention, social enterprise and support for emerging leaders. In our work with suicide prevention we have established ourselves as the first organization in the U.S. to develop a program that is exclusively dedicated to helping workplaces develop a comprehensive suicide prevention initiative called Working Minds. It’s a little known fact that the majority of people who die by suicide are men of working age, so we have found some innovative ways to reach out. We also know that we need to start younger, so I speak professionally on college campuses around the country and promoting our message that “People Prevent Suicide.”

One of our other successes has been to partner with Junior Achievement to teach high school business students about the art of social enterprise. Student groups from around Colorado develop business plans and compete for seed money, but unlike the usual business plan competition, ours has a unique challenge. These students must develop a product or service that raises both money and awareness for suicide prevention. They first conduct a needs assessment by surveying their classmates and learning about resources, and then they develop a plan that addresses some root cause of the problem. We also award one Junior Achievement student each year with a “Rising Star” scholarship to help him or her get to college.

Finally, we support families bereaved by suicide. When a loved one dies from suicide, families often find they are traumatized, isolated and filled with haunting questions. We send iCare packages through The Gifts of Hope to these families — offering resources such as books, music and tip sheets and referrals to support groups. Working in these areas has been tremendously fulfilling for me, and I feel that Carson is with me, giving me support along the way.”

Instructions for Life (from the Dalai Lama)

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Feb 042010

This is an oldie but still relevant, with the start of 2010:

Take into account that great love and great achievement involve great risk.
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others, responsibility for all your actions.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Spend some time alone every day.
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
Be gentle with the earth.
Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

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