Turning 50

Today is my birthday. I’m turning 50.

I wondered if the world would explode today, but so far, it hasn’t. My air conditioning unit, however, did sort of blow up when it stopped working yesterday.

Having no air conditioning is a harsh way to begin my 50th year and at the start of summer. The temperature in my house has reached 86 degrees so far.

I’ve been steadily working towards the commemoration of my 50th birthday today for the past two years. I’ve made conscious efforts to clean up my life and prepare for this day. These efforts have included letting go of toxic relationships, including my marriage. In a few weeks, I will be divorced one year.

There’s no denying middle age now, it’s solidly here. What also can’t be denied now is facing my mortality. Why am I here? What do I want to be about for my remaining years? What purpose will my life serve? These are heavy questions to consider as I tackle day-to-day challenges.

More than any other aspect, my celebration today is a spiritual one. I celebrate myself, my journey, my struggles overcome so far and that I will continue to overcome in the future.

I acknowledge and commemorate my courage to live as authentically as possible.