We came back from our first real family vacation with our baby on Sunday the 5th. I learned that my oldest sister had been in the hospital the past three weeks and was on a ventilator. I wanted to make immediate plans to go over, but was told there would not be anything I could do as she was sedated and would not be aware of my presence. The doctors were going to try some different things and she was stable. She had a cold that she used over the counter drugs for at first, but developed into something so severe she had to be on a ventilator. We decided we would potentially go over the following weekend. I hoped to see her when she was well and could appreciate seeing my baby.

On Monday evening, the 6th, at about 10pm Eastern time, my sister passed. It was unbelievable that something so bizarre could hit so close to home, to someone so young and so much to live for at 47. I had looked forward to the mending and nurturing of the relationship, a push that had apparently been prompted by the passing of my father this past December. It is unfortunate that the relationship had not been nurtured already prior to her passing, as with my father. She was maternal to me as a child and I will treasure the memory of her from then.

I am feeling more aware of the passage of time. There is so much that I want to do, see, and accomplish before my time “is up.” I want to live my life as richly as possible.

The best way I can see to honor someone once they pass is to learn from their life and values. What did they believe in? From my experience and recollection of my sister, she was a devoted housewife most of her life. She was very into trying to keep a clean, nurturing home and took domestic endeavors seriously. I appreciate and relate to this. I believe a home should be run as smoothly and lovingly as possible. It should be a refuge for all and it takes much effort to make it so!

The past few days, I have felt a pull to clean and thought of her as I cleaned and decluttered my home. It lifted my spirits to see the end result. I imagined her smiling. I know caring for my family the best I can is one significant way of honoring her life; taking care of myself will allow me to do so for as long as I can.

Dear sister, I hope your soul is at peace. Thank you for all that you have done for me. You have raised two children into adults you can be proud of and have thereby left a positive, meaningful, and enduring imprint on the planet.