Learning About Autism

 Autism, Children, Finding balance, Motherhood, Parenting  Comments Off on Learning About Autism
Aug 282011
 

Maya 7.18.11

I started to learn about the neurological disorder autism when told my daughter may be on the spectrum.  The disorder is not black and white and has a huge grey range or spectrum where one may fall.  My daughter is fortunately on the high-functioning end.  I hesitate to use the word “fortunate.”  Over-all, I am fortunate to have this human being in my care, no matter where Maya is on the spectrum.  As any parent can appreciate, she is my precious child, no matter what issues she and I need to overcome or manage.

While I was waiting to have Maya evaluated, I was amazed at all the coverage the disorder receives these days.  It’s possible that I was more attuned to the topic and noticed it more due to my situation.  There was mention of the disorder being possibly caused by vaccines and as a result, some parents have refused vaccinations.  This has largely been proven to be a myth and is potentially dangerous to children.  There was mention of potential contaminants in the environment as a possible cause along with genetics.  It’s possible certain environmental situations “activate” the gene.  It is still unknown what definitively causes autism, though it’s generally understood that genes play a role.  It’s possible some relatives in a family have some level or mutation.

A parent can invest considerable energy trying to understand “how” and “why?”  I realized I could surf the web forever trying to get answers.  Meanwhile, Maya needs care and attention.  It became apparent I needed to balance my desire to understand with trying to be the best parent I can be to her now.  Whatever I do understand of her specific needs can be utilized immediately.  In that sense, there was some relief in getting the diagnosis because it helps me to understand some issues that did not make much sense to me.  I have a place to turn to now for answers rather than guessing or doubting myself as a parent.

A resource:

Lack of Eye Contact May Predict Level of Disability in Children with Autism

Blood-draw From Hell

 Children, Motherhood, Parenting  Comments Off on Blood-draw From Hell
Feb 082010
 

Today is my daughter’s 1st birthday!  In celebration, or rather, in poor planning, we had scheduled her one year doctor’s appointment this morning.  She had a few vaccinations at the doctor’s appointment and then we were sent nearby for a blood-draw.  We frantically tried to use her numbing ointment wherever we were told she would be pricked, but there seemed to be a disconnect between where we were told her blood-draw would be and where it ended up, so she didn’t have the ointment in the right place.

In hindsight, we should have rescheduled.  The ointment takes half an hour to take effect, and a blood-draw is more involved than getting a shot.  This would be her first.  We decided to “get ‘er done” since we were there and my husband had taken the time from work to help and be present.  My husband held Maya while I tried to distract her with a toy and hide the shot with a book (for both of us) while trying to feed her with her bottle.  It seemed to go on forever, but was maybe a minute or two when my husband said it was enough, while Maya continued crying.  I thought I was doing all I could to help my daughter survive the draw.

Maya - 11 Months

It turned out there was no blood drawn!  The aide was trying to find a vein!  All that time, she said nothing while pricking my daughter for nothing!  I don’t understand why she couldn’t just say she couldn’t find it before pricking her or during the unproductive process!  I would have told her to stop way before my husband did.  This unproductive process has been done with me and I know how painful it is (I had a whole line of co-workers watch while my arm was repeatedly pricked).  I can’t believe this was being done to my child, whose arm is a fraction of the width of mine.

I have a general frustration with some of the professional world that deal with children (and maybe shouldn’t), that seem to discount the pain kids feel.  It’s as if they think that if you can’t speak, you don’t feel pain, or that it somehow doesn’t matter.  I’ve read about surgeries done on babies with little pain relief.  It was after reading an article that I found out about the ointment we now use, which I requested a prescription for.  I don’t see why it wasn’t mentioned by the medical office or just used by them.  More and more, as a parent, I’m learning how proactive we must be in caring for and protecting our children.  It’s frustrating that we can’t always trust professionals in their care, at least not to the level we may want and prefer.

There are unfortunately many ugly realities of parenthood, with vaccinations and blood-draws being high on the list.  We can at least do what is within our power to make these ugly realities less so for our kids.

Letter To My Daughter, Maya

 Children, Motherhood, Outlook, Parenting, Rituals, Spirituality  Comments Off on Letter To My Daughter, Maya
Jan 282010
 

My daughter is turning one soon and I’m doing some soul-searching about myself and the messages I would be giving

Maya's first dressed-up professional photo at 11 months

to her.  Some thoughts were coming to me (in the shower) about what I would want to say to her (and how I should be living and role-modeling this).  I started a letter to capture some of these and am sharing, as I thought it may be food for thought with the start of the new year.

I plan to keep it in electronic form and keep adding to it.  It would be a nice ritual by adding to it annually, and give it to her before college.  I have a chest where I keep keepsakes for my two kids to have someday – maybe I will put it in there.  I separately started keeping notes about her development from the year.  In case I end up not being around in her future, I want to share with her what I have learned thus far, that may be of use to her.

Letter to my daughter, Maya

Dear Maya,

It is such a privilege and honor to have you in my life and be your mom.  In case I am not able to do so in person when you are an adult, I want to share some life lessons I’ve learned that I wish my mother relayed to me, which may be relevant for you.

  • You create your own happiness
    • Do not let anyone, especially a man, control your level of happiness
  • Do not wait to be rescued – only you can rescue yourself
    • People around you may not have the ability to rescue you.
      • You are empowering them to believe they can control you and your state
        • Don’t give away this basic power that is only yours
    • Know when you are behaving like a victim and projecting that out to the world.
  • As a female, it is important that you understand, embrace, and LIVE the word “empowerment.”
    • Many events that can be viewed with sadness, such as a relationship ending (which truly did not serve you), can be viewed as empowering, if you allow yourself to see it that way.
    • Know and respect your power and don’t give it away to others
  • You can only expect from others the level of respect you give yourself
    • Never settle on this – know and stand up for the level that you deserve
  • Embracing your intelligence, intellectually and emotionally, is a good thing
    • Do not feel ashamed, question, doubt, and disregard what you know in your heart to be true.

Above all, be open to giving and receiving love.  Know that I have and will always love you.

With all my heart,

Your Mom

For more food for thought, check out my expanding collection of Quotes and Food For Thought

Location Affects Life With Baby

 Motherhood  Comments Off on Location Affects Life With Baby
Aug 272009
 

Life is different depending on where you live when staying home with the baby.  In the suburbs of the US, it can be isolating and mind-numbing.  It’s so quiet, you can hear crickets outside.  Whereas, in India, there is always activity and other stay-at-home moms as neighbors that you can see outside, along with the kids.  Quiet is not a word one would use for most areas of India.

As with anything, life with baby at home is a question of perspective.  Whereas it could be tedious; it is also a break from the rat race.  Having been in the traditional work world a while, I don’t glorify it.  At 30, after having my son, I was more anxious to get out and work, even though I could have stayed home longer.  Post-baby life was somewhat of a shock, which it isn’t so much after having my daughter at 40.

I now recognize that I have to actively seek out and build the social life I desire.  This is fine to me.  I didn’t necessarily appreciate my limited social prospects in traditional work environments.  I can join the groups I feel connected to and connect only with the individuals that interest me.

Still, I bet there are many differences in life with baby even in the US and where one lives in a city – whether in an urban environment or the suburbs.  It would be nice to live in an area where one can enjoy a nice yard and get out and see activity and people.  Maybe by this time next year, this vision can be a reality.