Finding balance - Pria's Ponderings

Faith over Fear

Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Spirituality Comments Off

Dec 102016

Dear Faith,

I apologize for having so often forgotten you. I became acquainted with and at times overtaken by Fear. I see now that you have been the greater faithful friend, the one who can guide me to peace. You deserved more loyalty from me. Fear hasn’t taken me to any place I can find happiness in.

I don’t know that fear has any place in our short, limited lives where we know so little and mysteries abound. The number of mysteries we can then be fearful of are boundless. What would then be the point of living in a state of fear? It doesn’t make any sense.

It seems you are related to Hope and can introduce me to her. Fear does not know her. Fear is like a cheap salesperson who is all inflated, dramatic talk with nothing genuine, true, or real to offer or deliver.

I want what matters and brings me to Joy. Faith, I’ve heard you and Joy know each other. If I embrace you more, Faith, will you introduce me to Joy? I think I will really enjoy getting to know her more as well.

With love,
Your new friend

Soulitude

Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Finding Purpose, Outlook, Personal Growth, Simplicity, Spirituality, Thoughts Comments Off

Nov 252016

I long for soulitude,

to rest, breathe…
calm my mind, body and soul.

I seek soulitude,
to fully hear silence,
to see details
I never noticed.

Soulitude allows me to feel
expanded, enriched and newer,
a renewed version
I’ve never felt before.

With soulitude, I hear
like I’ve never heard before.

I hear and feel
every chord, every note
of every song…

I hear music that
gives me goosebumps…
and compels my spirit
to sing…

Soulitude increases and enhances
my vision,
to fully see
all that I did not,
could not, would not,
see…

I want to see
every hue of
every color
and every combination…
a kaleidoscope
of shifting,
evolving colors…

My spirit has been starved…
and hungers for healing

that begins with
being fed by
quiet, gentle,
soulitude.

Abusers have big hearts?

Empowerment, Finding balance, Narcissism, Personal Growth Comments Off

Sep 222016

Abusers want you to believe they have big hearts, if you dig down far enough, as you’re repeatedly told and encouraged to believe, by them and those under their influence and control. Still can’t find their hearts? The problem, you see, is that “you’re” not digging enough, you with that small heart…If only your heart was bigger, more compassionate and forgiving, you would be digging even more and could clearly see their big hearts…so that you can be vulnerable to more abuse…See how this process works? This tactic is part of gaslighting, a term used to describe a process abusers use to make you doubt yourself (never them).

The people with the actual big hearts don’t need for you to dig to find their hearts. They are clearly evident through their words and behavior. You can feel these loving hearts when you are around them. You feel loved, respected and regarded. You will not feel that around the personality disordered or other Cluster B individuals. You will be forced to melt into their audience, where you can bask in their glory, if approved and privileged enough to do so.

Healthy people don’t make others talk to you about their big hearts, after abusing you, as dysfunctional people do. Healthy people don’t abuse you at any level to begin with. Why would they need to? They’re healthy and fine with you being healthy too. You feel comfortable around them, a better version of you, not diminished. Healthy people don’t need for you to feel worse about yourself so they can feel better about themselves. They’re not jealous or threatened by your confidence, success, peace, and happiness as narcissists are. They have plenty of their own.

Play and Passion

Finding balance Comments Off

Aug 152014

There is much press about following one’s passion. Many of us are possibly wondering if we are doing that and how to go about that if not. Do you quit your job and “follow your passion?” I recall a Dr. Phil show on this topic. One man was trying to pursue his music passion while his wife tried to be patient yet there were the financial needs of the family to consider. There was another show, perhaps a “wife swap” where there was the pursuit of being a clown. Music and an appreciation of the value of humor through being a clown are wonderful passions and pursuits.

At the same time, if we see a middle-aged man quit his successful and respected job that provides for his family to pursue a “passion” that does not provide for his family, we might wonder if there is a mid-life crisis, at least. So are there parameters and limitations to pursuing one’s passion? Ordinarily, when starting a small business out of one’s passion, the general advice is to start on the side and wait for it to reach a reasonable economic level to support you before quitting your day job.

Most of us have activities we enjoy that is part of our “play.” Maybe it’s golf, tennis, dance, or some artistic activity that gives us a break from our career or job. Should this play activity be converted into a career or kept as play after our “serious” job? There must be many, particularly in middle age, or after a lay-off, who may be asking themselves some of these questions. Is a lay-off a time to consider a career change or pursuit of the same area to play it safe? When is the time to pursue your passions while still being responsible? Maybe we can carve out some balance of responsibilities and some dose as often as possible of play and exploring our passions.

Anger Management Thought

Personal Growth Comments Off

Sep 192012

A great thought from the Blue Mountain Center of Meditation:

Eknath Easwaran’s Thought for the Day

He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
– Proverbs

In the interest of good health, in the interest of a long life, in the interest of loving relationships, it is essential to learn how to deal with our anger creatively and constructively. If we do not, in time it will no longer be isolated outbursts of anger; we will become the victims of an unending stream of rage, seething just below the surface of life, with which no human being can cope.

Through meditation and the mantram every one of us can learn to reduce the speed of our thinking, and install a reliable speedometer in our mind. Then, whenever the speed of thinking goes over, say, fifty-five, one of those recorded voices will automatically whisper, “Be careful. You may not be able to keep your car on the road.”

Positive thoughts travel slowly, leisurely. The slow mind is clear, kind, and efficient; in the beautiful phrase of the Bible, it is “slow to wrath.” Patience means thoughts puttering along like Sunday drivers, taking the trouble to notice the needs of people around.

Encouragement from Raleigh to Aurora

Attitude, Causes, Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Finding Purpose, Gratitude, Musing on Death, Philosophy Comments Off

Aug 082012

As an employee of the city of Aurora in CO, my husband has come across lots of words of sympathy and encouragement from around the world. Following is an encouraging letter from the city of Raleigh to the city of Aurora following the recent shooting.

Subject: Words of Encouragement from Raleigh, NC

Yesterday afternoon I attended a matinee viewing of The Dark Knight Rises, the final movie in the Batman trilogy; the unfortunate setting for the tragic act of violence during the movie’s midnight premier in your city, Aurora, Colorado. I, like so many others, have been following the unfolding of the theatre shooting and have felt a pull of singularity similar to the immediate reaction of patriotism that followed in the wake of 9/11. Sharing in the horror and impact of the intent and actions of one man I became immediately aware of my own fleeting life upon entering my local theatre. As the previews began my eyes searched for the emergency exits, and I took particular notice of every person who entered the room (all ten of them at that early time of day). During the first few minutes of the movie a rattling of gunfire on the screen made me alert and agitated, echoing the tragic testimonies shared of an audience who quickly diverted their attention from fantasy to reality in an effort to save and protect loved ones and themselves. I thought to myself, should I have come? But as the plot continued I became enraptured by the villainous mind of Bain, the sheer hopelessness of Gotham City, and the contemplative genius of Bob Kane on the relationship between good and evil in our worlds: fiction and reality alike. As the credits rolled up from the bottom of the screen at the conclusion of the movie, I sat recovering from being emotionally invested in the outcome of the plot and reflecting upon the men and women who are struggling to find solace and understanding in the aftermath of the Aurora tragedy. The truth is the movie made me think only of Aurora. The character Bruce Wayne repeatedly remarks on his identity being only a suit that anyone can wear. In an epic moment of dialogue during the plot the audience is reminded that a hero can be found in a single moment, “A hero can be anyone, even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a young boy’s shoulders to let him know the world hasn’t ended (Bruce Wayne as Batman).” Although it is tempting to idolize the fictional Batman as the ultimate hero, there is a resounding distinction between the heroes of fiction and the heroes of our reality. The men, women and children who are picking up the aftermath of the Aurora tragedy are the heroes of our present day. Aurora has a nation of support surrounding them, cheering “rise!” as we watch a community climb out of the darkness of such tragedy. Aurora, I stand with a nation that is shouting cheers full of hope for you, that this tragedy will make you stronger as you search for answers, struggle with prayers, and learn the art of survival that follows great loss. Jonathan Blunk, Alexander Boik, Jesse Childress, Gordon Cowden, Jessica Ghawi, John Larimer, Matt MacQuinn, Micayla Medek, Veronica Moser-Sullivan, Alex Sullivan, Alexander C. Teves, and Rebecca Wingo are names engraved on my heart.

I could not help but to think of Aurora and the victims of that horrible night, and know that an entire nation is doing the same, as these words are echoed in theatres across the world, “I see a beautiful city and a brilliant people rising from this abyss. I see the lives for which I lay down my life, peaceful, useful, prosperous and happy. I see that I hold a sanctuary in their hearts, and in the hearts of their descendants, generations hence. It is a far, far better thing that I do, that I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” Aurora, this is a moment for heroes, and we are all looking at you: a beautiful city, a brilliant people, a community that will rise from this abyss.

Sincerely,

Raleigh, NC.

How to avoid getting sick this winter

Finding balance, Fitness, Self-Care Comments Off

Dec 262011

One of the best tips to follow to avoid getting sick this winter is to focus on prevention. That means building up your immune system as much as possible. Other than building up your immune system, you must avoid contracting the viruses that can make you sick. Following are steps to make sure your immune system is in the best condition and to avoid those germs.

1. Keep your hands clean!

Make sure to wash your hands whenever possible and keep sanitizer handy. Even when you are getting together with friends and family instead of going to the mall, you still need to make sure you keep your hands washed frequently and before eating.

2. Stay hydrated!

Keeping your body hydrated with plenty of water keeps your system less susceptible to viruses. Water is necessary for our body and mind to function at optimum level and most people don’t get enough. It is an easy fix! Always have some with you.

3. Get enough sleep

Getting at least 6-7 hours of sleep will allow your body to repair itself better and fight sickness. Make sleep a priority and do what you need to make sure you get enough. This might mean you need to cut down on alcohol, caffeine or sugar to sleep better. Make certain your environment and bed-time routine enables you to get the best sleep. Make sure to get enough sunshine daily to help your body have enough melatonin to help sleep.

4. Eat healthy

Eating a healthy diet will ensure that your body is getting all the supplements it needs to be healthy and have all the supplements it needs. It never hurts to take supplements such as vitamin c and zinc as insurance, but keep in mind they do not replace eating well. The holidays can pose a challenge to our efforts to eat well. This might mean you need to eat healthy prior to an event or make a commitment to eat small portions of foods that do not help your immune system.

5. Get enough exercise

Exercise reduces stress and maintains a stronger immune system, making you less prone to illness. Get out there to burn some calories and boost your spirits at the same time. Try yoga at home or partner up with a friend to take an aerobic class at your local gym.

Affirmations and meditation

Finding balance Comments Off

Dec 182011

According to Deepak Chopra, “daily affirmations are steps out of pain toward a higher reality. We can become living memorials to tragedy by restoring the power of life. You are that life, you are that power. The true self contains the light that no darkness can attack. Daily affirmations are steps out of pain toward a higher reality. Let us see if we can find the spark that will make the spiritual flame spring up.” Affirmations and meditation can be the spark to restore our lives.

“Meditation is the practice of going inward to access awareness that is deeper than thought. Meditation isn’t just a time for peace and quiet, although both are needed. You are returning to your source. Make it your habit to find time alone, preferably once in the morning and once in the evening, in which you can close your eyes and go inside.

There are many forms of meditation. A simple but effective one is meditation on the heart. Sit quietly for a moment, placing your attention on your heart, at the center of your chest under the breastbone. When you are settled, repeat the word “peace” silently, and see its influence radiating out from your body in all directions. Do this three times, and then say the word “happiness” the same way. Repeat three times, then go on to “harmony,” “laughter” and “love.”

For longer meditations, you can use these words for as long as you like. Start with five minutes a session and work up to half an hour. Sit quietly for a few minutes after each session with eyes closed and simply appreciate the simplicity of quiet awareness.”

Source: Deepak Chopra

Diagnosing Autism

Autism, Children, Finding balance, Motherhood, Parenting Comments Off

Dec 122011

When I think about the path that led to my daughter’s diagnosis of high-functioning autism in July when almost 2 1/2, I am amazed at how random that path was. My husband happened to speak with a coworker who was getting some assistance for their child through Child Find. We wondered about Maya and had her evaluated with the organization when Maya was about 1 1/2.

The results were primarily that there was a speech delay. She then began to see a speech therapist and occupational therapist. This service will end when she turns 3 in February. Soon she will have an evaluation to see if she qualifies for services through the district once she is 3.

Earlier in the year, concerns had been brought up by a therapist regarding autism. The ball to have her evaluated for the disorder started rolling and was blocked repeatedly by her insurance. After much pushing and coordination between Child Find and myself with Maya’s insurance, she was given a referral to be evaluated.

I filled out a mountain of paperwork and waited for her evaluation on June 24. We were lucky to not have had to wait too long, as many people wait a while on a long wait list. As the evaluation approached, we heard increasingly that she did not seem to have the disorder. I was just glad to be able to rule it out. This of course made the actual diagnosis of her having high-functioning autism even more mind-boggling. Every day, we look at her wondering if there was a mistake – at times it seems it was, and at others it achingly does not.

The material and books to read and learn about autism are immense and daunting. How does a parent even find the time when we are overwhelmed and exhausted from the extra effort involved in raising a child with autism? What little I have managed to read so far stands out with the message to look at my daughter specifically as the wonderful human being I know her to be and to learn directly from her about her and not get worried or weighed down by a label.

Learning About Autism

Autism, Children, Finding balance, Motherhood, Parenting Comments Off

Aug 282011

Maya 7.18.11

I started to learn about the neurological disorder autism when told my daughter may be on the spectrum. The disorder is not black and white and has a huge grey range or spectrum where one may fall. My daughter is fortunately on the high-functioning end. I hesitate to use the word “fortunate.” Over-all, I am fortunate to have this human being in my care, no matter where Maya is on the spectrum. As any parent can appreciate, she is my precious child, no matter what issues she and I need to overcome or manage.

While I was waiting to have Maya evaluated, I was amazed at all the coverage the disorder receives these days. It’s possible that I was more attuned to the topic and noticed it more due to my situation. There was mention of the disorder being possibly caused by vaccines and as a result, some parents have refused vaccinations. This has largely been proven to be a myth and is potentially dangerous to children. There was mention of potential contaminants in the environment as a possible cause along with genetics. It’s possible certain environmental situations “activate” the gene. It is still unknown what definitively causes autism, though it’s generally understood that genes play a role. It’s possible some relatives in a family have some level or mutation.

A parent can invest considerable energy trying to understand “how” and “why?” I realized I could surf the web forever trying to get answers. Meanwhile, Maya needs care and attention. It became apparent I needed to balance my desire to understand with trying to be the best parent I can be to her now. Whatever I do understand of her specific needs can be utilized immediately. In that sense, there was some relief in getting the diagnosis because it helps me to understand some issues that did not make much sense to me. I have a place to turn to now for answers rather than guessing or doubting myself as a parent.

A resource:

Lack of Eye Contact May Predict Level of Disability in Children with Autism

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