Finding Meaning - Pria's Ponderings

Helping Haiti

Causes, Finding Meaning, Spirituality Comments Off

Jan 212010

As most people, I’ve watched helplessly as the tragedy in Haiti has unfolded. Tears sprung to my eyes as kids searched for parents, with one girl wondering if any female that walked by was her mother. My heart went out to parents that lost children or who had to hold their child’s hand to help them cope with the prospect of amputation, and further dealing with the impact of this for their grim future in Haiti.

Although we donated to the Red Cross, it seemed very passive and frustrating that more can not be done. I’m sure many of us have felt the urge to get on a plane and be there, which of course is impractical given the country’s infrastructure barely being able to allow the planes that are trying to get there, and other impracticalities that would make us get in the way of helping, along with our responsibilities at home.

Many of us are turning to our faiths and spirituality to try to make sense of it all. I believe in reincarnation and that we have souls that go on. I like to believe that there is a bigger plan that we may not be aware of. It is comforting to think that the souls who lost their physical bodies in Haiti will be born again to live out their purpose and journeys.

I believe that our souls have been around perhaps for different lengths, so some of us may have older souls than others. I’m sure some of us have felt this when thinking of others in our lives! It can make us more compassionate to others if they don’t seem to “get it” or appear immature for their ages. Maybe their souls are younger?? I think this way about my ex.

Regardless of the above beliefs, I do feel strongly that we have to do what is within our power to try to make the world a better place. It is our moral obligation and “dharma,” which is related to performing good acts and achieving good “karma,” which lasts into future lives.

On a practical level, in the realm of what we can do, many of us want to make sure that what we do donate does the maximum good. Organizations that can help with sorting out the most effective charitable companies include Charity Navigator and Guide Star. There has been some controversy regarding the salary of the CEO of the Red Cross (apparently $500-$700k). This has been compared to the salary of the CEO for Hope for Haiti (apparently about $53k). It seems Hope for Haiti has been focused on helping Haiti and perhaps your money can go further towards helping Haiti by donating to this organization.

A New Year, a New Beginning

Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Finding Purpose, Goals, Outlook, Personal Growth Comments Off

Jan 102010

“Each year gives us new reasons to celebrate, new journeys to begin.”-unknown

This lovely saying is from the front of a card I keep on the board above my workspace, where it is always visible. It is also a very relevant saying as we begin the new year. I have refrained from making any formal resolutions. Instead, I try to be vigilant about any areas for improvement as they come up and take note to address.

January is International Life Balance Month (or quality of life month). It’s a great time to reflect on your life and think about the areas you want to see progress on. Maybe this will be the month and year that you do something about your passions. Maybe there is even a way to turn a passion into a side venture that can turn into something full-time. A recession can be viewed as an opportunity to really be doing something you want to be doing or at least make a start. I feel passionate about writing and being an entrepreneur. This year, I would like to go further with that interest.

What is holding you back? What can be done to get out of a rut if you find yourself in one? I have another quote on my board in front of me: “you will never really change your life until you change something you do daily.” This is very true and we have to aspire to trying to make any change, as minor as it may seem, EVERYDAY. Think about this everyday and be conscious of it.

Another quote I have on my desk, that I have had for many years, is by Henry David Thoreau on goals: “If one advances confidently in the direction of their dreams, and endeavors to lead a life they have imagined, they will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

I wish you all new journeys to begin and new reasons to celebrate. Happy new year!

Recording Memories

Children, Finding Meaning, Rituals Comments Off

Dec 222009

With the start of winter break for my preteen son, I am hoping to get caught up with scrap-booking his childhood pictures with his help. So far, there has been a lot of selling with not much buying. I showed him the end result, some of his baby pictures in the book, and how much he would enjoy them later, how HIS kids would not like to go through a chaotic pile of pictures.

All these points, he was fine with, but the end result was that after initially organizing a few pictures by age, as requested, he wandered off to watch Jurassic Park Part III and suggested under his breath that maybe I do the scrap-booking instead. I thought he had a point in that it is MY hobby. He wouldn’t even know what to say next to the pictures as it is from my perspective and he wouldn’t remember what was going on in the pictures.

Still, I had hoped some artistic interest would call out to him. I’m hoping he will get more involved when I get to an artistic part. And I just need the help as I am still trying to finish his newborn pictures. His pictures are from a time when digital cameras were just starting to enter the scene. They were big, clunky objects. So everything I shot was developed, good or bad, that needs to be scrap-booked, since 1998. ***sigh*** I dream of being done by New Year’s so that I can try to get caught up with my daughter’s book. I don’t want to wait too long as it gets harder to figure out what to write along with the pictures. Plus her pictures are all on the computer, so I have to first get them developed.

Then of course there are all the pictures in between, vacations and so forth. Will I ever get caught up? I also have a birth-record cross-stitch that I started when I was expecting my son. It is barely 1/4 done and I hope to complete it for my daughter.

I enjoy the idea of recording memories. I picture my kids leafing through their books long after I’m gone, feeling like they have a better sense of themselves and my view of them as they were growing up. I know I would treasure something like this, and I imagine that they would as well. I love photography and scrap-booking my children’s lives seems like a meaningful utilization of my photographic interest.

It is possible that I’m spending way too much time and energy on recording memories rather than making them, but for now, I have to plod forward to satisfy the “Monk” (our favorite TV show about the obsessive-compulsive detective) in me. I hope I am rewarded someday by finding much meaning and comfort in my recorded memories.

I Have a New Sister!

Causes, Finding Meaning, Women Comments Off

Dec 172009

women_for_women_logo I have finally been matched with a sister in Afghanistan I’ve sponsored through Women for Women International. The organization has had a great response recently, so it too them a few months to expand and match sisters.

It’s such a great concept to get specifics on a specific individual one is helping. It personalizes world events that can be easy to shut off because they are not occurring in our neighborhood. In the future, I hope to get a letter from her that I can show my preteen son. I want him to know about a world beyond Ipods (what he wants for Christmas) and the latest video game system (another wish of his).

Sponsoring a female survivor of war through Women for Women allows me to feel more meaning in my life. Maybe doing so would allow you to feel the same. Unfortunately, there are many women that have had to struggle with the effects of war and could use a helping hand. Make a donation by the 31st for a tax deduction in 2009!

Click here now to make your tax-deductible year-end gift by December 31st.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Attitude, Finding Meaning Comments Off

Nov 252009

It is wonderful to think as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, all that we are thankful for. It is good to think about that everyday, and Thanksgiving is a reminder for us to do that. The more thankful we are of elements in our life, the greater these elements will increase. It is part of the law of attraction. We will attract more to be thankful for. I am reminded of a story of two priests. They were in a similar situation. One cursed the situation around him, and the other was thankful for it. The one who was negative found himself in a bigger negative situation, while the positive one found much more to be thankful. It was as if God wanted to prove to both that things could be worse and that things could be much better, too.

I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving and hope that you are able to find much in your life to be grateful for and watch it multiply.

Rituals

Children, Finding Meaning, Parenting, Self-Care Comments Off

Nov 182009

Being bi-cultural, I’ve had to give some thought to the rituals and holidays I want to incorporate for my family. Not living in India, it is challenging to celebrate Indian holidays to the level I would like. Sometimes, I am not able to remember or keep up with certain Indian holidays if I don’t see reminders somewhere, such as the Indian store. This is not an issue for Western holidays of course. There are reminders everywhere. Even though Thanksgiving has not arrived yet, we are all being reminded of Christmas. Culturally, I am fine with holidays that I grew up with here in the US playing a bigger part. All the holidays of any culture celebrate something nice, centered around love. Any language or culture that is expressed in is fine with me. With that in mind, I admit I enjoy the spirit of the Christmas season. I take part in decorating my home, singing Christmas carols with my family, and celebrating at my Unitarian church, along with baking what I can. Despite these rituals, I still consider myself a Unitarian and Hindu. If I were in India, the holidays and related celebrations there would get more prominence in my home.

Outside of the major holidays, I try to incorporate other rituals for my family. One ritual we have started is to celebrate my infant daughter’s monthly birthdays. Since she was born on the 8th, we celebrate the 8th of every month. Recently, for her 9-month celebration on November 8th, I cooked food I knew she would enjoy (spaghetti, which is fun finger food for her) and other goodies for us. She received toys and we sang and danced to the song we have decided is hers from us, Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours.” We have been singing this to her since the beginning of her life, and she seems to recognize it.

As an outcome of Maya’s monthly celebrations, I thought we should celebrate my son’s, so he is not left out. Then I thought why leave out my husband and I? With that in mind, My husband is celebrating his monthly birthday today, since he was born on the 18th. So yesterday was Colin’s Day and today is Porter’s Day. I’ve already put it on the calendar for next month and am looking forward to my day on the 9th. The rule is that you get to do whatever you want (within reason) and get an excuse to treat yourself. So my husband would say he had a good start this morning, which included not having to drop my son off to school since a neighbor started doing so. My daughter slept through the night and we got decent sleep as a result. Then he treated himself to the lunch he wanted and he gets to do whatever he wants tonight, which will probably include tennis since it is not too cold today, along with having the dinner and dessert he wants.

Since we didn’t realize it was Colin’s day yesterday until the evening, he is getting part of the day today for himself. That means Mom is doing everything! All the chores fall on me. Although, I am looking forward to tomorrow, the 19th, as it is no one’s day, I am also looking forward to Pria’s Day on the 9th. It is nice to have a day per month to do nice things for ourselves guilt-free and have a day to always look forward to!

Porter and Maya on a nice September day at church.

Communication Series – Intro

Communication, Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Relationships Comments Off

Nov 122009

Being on my third marriage, an area of vital importance I’ve been exposed to is communication. Obviously, for one reason or another, I have not always been successful (or my companion). It’s hard to know who to blame at times or if anyone can be blamed. I just know that for various reasons, it just doesn’t always work. Some of those reasons include a gender-basis, my past experiences and the companion’s, or my luck in who I’m with or poor skills in picking a companion! That last part can have tons of psychological stuff behind it, like picking people like our parents, functional or not, because of stuff we’re trying to work out! ***sigh*** It can feel hopeless at times and the world of being single and not having to put effort in this area seems tempting to many…

Alas, we must try to learn about the art of communication if we desire building connection with our mates and children. As we feel rewarded for our growth in this area through greater connection, we also feel better individually. We feel more confident, more confident, and more joyful. Without good communication, we begin to feel disconnected and empty.

Issues in my marriages were varied, but difficulty in communication played a big role. After my first arranged marriage (without choice) at 18 ceased after 5 years of my plugging away probably needlessly, communication with the individual was also terminated indefinitely (without my choice). It seemed strange to share intimacy and build a life including a social circle in a new city for 5 years and then pretend those 5 years and everything related to those years didn’t exist. All my efforts seemed wasted. Over the years, I tried to glean some value from the years, including how I could have communicated better, to include asserting myself through communication. Some of this struggle seemed thwarted by my Asian Indian upbringing (maybe another series in the future!).

Enter the next phase of my marital relationship and other communication struggles, bigger and for twice the number of years, and partly still continuous through a child. This time, my lack of experience with my myself, the opposite gender, and the world (thanks partly to my conflicted, strict Asian Indian upbringing) contributed to what Steven Covey has stated, “placing my ladder up against the wrong building.” No matter how much I tried to climb, I was still up against the wrong building! That became apparent only after 10 years of struggling to communicate and trying to feel like I was getting somewhere. All I was achieving was losing even more years of my life to a useless cause.

Once we are beyond being in relationships that are wrong for us and where communication is not the issue, but rather finding a worthwhile “building to place our ladders up against first,” we can then focus on trying to communicate to build connection. That is where I feel I am now. Stay tuned for a continuation on this topic – Part 1 of what I have learned and trying to learn and practice.

My Family and I 7/8/09

Authenticity

Finding Meaning, Finding Purpose Comments Off

Oct 142009

CA beach, kite “We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.”
-Barbara de Angelis

Authenticity is such a powerful word. It is defined as “the quality or condition of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine.” The word and quote above resonate for me and are guiding principles for how I want to continue living.

The concept first started to consciously become a part of my life probably in my 10th grade psychology class while we were studying Abraham Maslow and his “hierarchy of needs.” The needs are labeled in a pyramid. The bottom, most important need is physiological. This includes breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis (our body being stable), and excretion.

The next layer on the pyramid (and the 2nd most important need) refers to the need for Safety. This includes security of: body, employment, resources, morality, the family, health, and property.

The third layer of the pyramid refers to love and belonging. This layer includes friendship, family, and sexual intimacy. The fourth layer is about esteem: self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, and respect by others.

The final and fifth layer of the pyramid refers to self-actualization. This includes morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem-solving, lack of prejudice, and acceptance of facts.

I feel the 4th and 5th levels are very intertwined with the concept of authenticity. It seems challenging to try to reach these levels and be comfortable residing there without trying to be true to ourselves.

Being authentic or true to ourselves is not always easy or the instinctual first course of action. Sometimes it requires us to pause and reflect on what the authentic course of action for us would be. That means we have to try to be responsive rather than reactive. Being responsive takes into account all that we believe in and the response is reflective of that. Being reactive usually means we are reacting back in kind, almost mirroring the event or person.

Being authentic may not make us the most popular person. Many times, it means the opposite. Sometimes the roles that exist in our lives encourage the lack of authenticity. In some family dynamics, individuals may grow up with assigned roles that fail to evolve. These may serve some fine, others not so well. Maybe someone was assigned the role of not being smart or able to achieve goals. This role may make another member feel better about themselves and perhaps resist the other member’s attempt to break out of their inferior role through subtle or not so subtle put-downs or lack of support.

Part of growing up and trying to reach the top of the pyramid of self-actualization is to recognize what roles if any are hindering us and whether they only serve others, in not growing up perhaps. In such cases, breaking out of these roles can help both parties in the long run, toward reaching that tip of the pyramid!

Although being authentic is not always an easy choice, it is the only choice when considering a life of any meaning and purpose.

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