Musing on Identity - Pria's Ponderings

Being an Asian Indian and American

Jul 312009

For almost the past two years, I have been trying to start an Indian importing business called Komal Style Boutique. I am originally from India, so have a natural attachment to anything Indian and want to combine that with my interest in business and having a venue to be able to do socially-conscious work in India. I’ve come to learn over the years that my interest in India may be greater than it is to many who are from India and that it is somewhat complicated as I have also had some frustrations with my heritage. At times, I have had a “love/hate” relationship with India. As an Indian/American going to India, I have been frustrated by not being able to efficiently get things done and struggling with issues such as finding a decent toilet when traveling there. That was quickly surpassed by seeing all the beauty and spirit around me; in the smiles on the faces of villagers and the serenity of women going about their daily rituals.

I am also proud to be an American and to have grown up here. The pride in being both an American and an Indian have at times conflicted. I’ve defended Americans when Indians said they don’t care about the elderly. I had personal experience at the time of knowing someone who took great care of his elderly mother. I’ve defended India against limited views and perspectives some Americans have had of the country, such as believing it is just like what they might see on a Sally Struthers commercial depicting people struggling with poverty. Many Indians take offense to this view and for this reason object to movies like “Slum Dog Millionaire.” They want people to know that Indian life is much more broad and India is emerging very rapidly as a country to be reckoned with. In fact, the most new millionaires have been from India recently.

There is a huge increasing middle-class and the normal middle-class lifestyle of having a cook, maid, nanny, and perhaps a driver. They didn’t understand the simplicity of life and the ordinariness of it at times, how the days for many women consisted of domestic pursuits such as making sure there were three great meals, visiting neighbors and relatives over savory snacks and chai, and of course getting a nap in every day around 3pm. It is a pleasant, mellow life. In comparison, most women here are running around trying to multi-task as much as possible to try to cross a few things off on their “Things to do list.”

It is good to understand different cultures and have respect for one another. Americans would want people in other cultures to know that life here is more than what they see in an old John Wayne western. It’s perhaps a good start, though, to getting a glimpse of the wonderful American spirit.

Being an ABCD

Asian Indian Culture, Musing on Identity 3 Responses »

Jul 282009

As someone who has been raised in the US (but from India), that makes me an “ABCD – American Born Confused Desi (“Desi” means “from India”).” This designation is in contrast to an “FOB (Fresh off the Boat).” I was once married to an FOB who enlightened me on my label, with some derision, of course. We regularly engaged in some good-natured debating on who was “better.” I felt I was eclectic – able to choose what was best from two cultures and make it my own, a part of who I am. He thought I was just confused. Maybe so. I know that other ABCDs I’ve known have felt the same way, mostly confused.

As teens, we talked about our longing for India – the country and people left behind. To some extent, we felt that we were temporary visitors to the US. As a female, I felt that I left “sisters” behind – females who did not have the advantages I would by living in a country where opportunities were abundant.

Many of our parents were glad to have brought us to the country to further our lives. Yet at the same time, there was resistance to our mixing in too much with the “West.” We were to retain as much “Indianness” as possible, whatever that meant at the moment. There was much resistance, particularly with my own family, to a culture that was attractive enough to warrant moving here. I wondered at times, growing up, why we did move here if it was so terrible.

When I married the FOB, as was the plan for me, I learned that while I was busy measuring up to an Indian standard handed down to me, Indians in India were becoming more and more “American.” How ironic. I learned that my FOB spouse had in some ways already lived a more American life than I had, in India.

The country was evolving, even more rapidly recently. These days, it seems one can feel as American or Indian as one wants regardless of the country they actually live in. It’s really more a state of mind rather than actual geographic place. It’s possibly best to not even make a distinction. We’re just individuals influenced by our backgrounds at different levels.

How I Came to Here

Musing on Identity Comments Off

Jun 232009

Over a year ago, in April of ’08, I was laid off. I had worked in the aerospace industry since 2001, specifically in contracts, and it was time to move on. Prior to that, I had worked primarily in marketing and had finished an MBA in Market Strategy a year prior to the lay-off that I was hoping to eventually utilize to transition back to marketing. In the meantime, my new husband and I were hoping to have a child and it all seemed to be appropriate timing. After a miscarriage around the same time as the lay-off, we were lucky enough to get pregnant soon after and now have a 4 month-old daughter. I already have an 11 year-old son from a previous marriage and feel blessed to have my little girl as well.

One of the issues I struggled with while working outside of the home, particularly as a single mom, was a desire to have more balance in my life and to telecommute more. It was frustrating to have my son in daycare from 6:30am to 6pm while I drove two hours daily to get to and from work. It was the same in the summer when I wanted him to be in specific camps and activities for his enrichment, but had to keep him in full-time daycare because I could not leave work to take him to those activities. It was even more frustrating to realize that most of my work was done using a computer, which I had at home. I was even emailing my colleage in the next office, rather than walking over. The nice, big office with custom furniture I was in seemed wasted. I wondered how much the company would save in facility costs if they didn’t use so many resources for employees; and the employees would be happier because they wouldn’t have to pretend they didn’t have other parts to their lives, and would maybe stay with the company longer! ***sigh***

When I finally requested to possibly leave a few hours earlier to pick up my son from school and work from home, my boss saw it as a personal affront. He thought he was being taken advantage of…

What I’ve come to learn about the lack of support for more telecommuting is a lack of trust from management and a concern from HR that other employees will be jealous. This does not make sense since no supervisor is looking over the shoulders of employees all day long to determine productivity. All one can look at is the ultimate result. Is the work getting done? Co-workers wouldn’t be jealous if they can have the same benefit if they desire. I have seen instances where some employees in some departments got to telecommute some of the time and others did not. Ridiculous! It felt like a clique in high school you couldn’t get into. How did these people become the “chosen telecommuting people??” Were their lives more valuable than mine??

I hope that when my daughter is an adult, much change will have occurred in this area and she will be amazed at the resistance there was in allowing people to have more balance in their lives.

I am always pleased to see women achieve this and the following article is an example: CNN Article on Self-Employment