Outlook - Pria's Ponderings

Loss and Gain

Attitude, Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Gratitude, Outlook, Personal Growth, Philosophy Comments Off

Mar 312011

My sleeping gain

Lately, I’ve had to come to terms with the idea of loss more – something I think I’ve had to deal with in varying degrees with some challenging peaks. It got to an overwhelming point and I had to remind myself how I got to the other “normal” side before.

Loss is something we deal with everyday at different levels. Everyday, our bodies are 1 day older and we gradually have to let go of a previous notion of what we could expect. We become one day older and we have to let go of the previous day in order to embrace a new day and all that it offers.

One aspect of loss is that it is often one side of a coin. If we can manage to look enough, we can sometimes see the gain on the other side. I experienced this gain as I kissed my smiling toddler before she went to slept. This miraculous creature was in my life now and had not been there only two short years ago. It is true that when one door is shut, another often opens, even if we have to be patient and wait for it or try to have enough awareness to notice it.

10 Ways to Build Trust

Communication, Finding balance, Outlook, Philosophy, Relationships Comments Off

Mar 102011

Building trust with my pets and children

All relationships are built on trust. It affects how we see others and the world, how we approach situations and how much we’re willing to do for others. High levels of trust allow us to be relaxed and at our best, while low levels make us uncomfortable. Here are ten tips to help build trust in relationships:

Keep it confidential. Be a trustworthy listener and respect the confidence placed in you by not sharing personal information.
Keep your promises and follow through with commitments. You are seen as reliable when you keep promises and follow through with commitments. Do what you say, even for small things.
Forgive and move on. You must be able to forgive and move on to build trusting relationships. Try to let go of old issues, arguments, and resentments from the past.
Realize that trust is up to you. We are responsible for building trust in relationships, especially new ones.
Trust people who are different from you. It takes much more work to trust people that hold different values, beliefs, and opinions that are different from us. Look for common interests and use inclusive language that does not alienate others.
Tell the truth. Honesty attracts trusting and trustworthy people. Admit when you are wrong and make amends as needed.
Communicate openly and honestly. Sharing information openly and honestly allows others to trust your intentions. Avoid name-calling and negative labels. Watch your body language and tone.
Be a good listener. Listening well is one of the best ways to show you care and build trust. Focus on the one talking and don’t try to accomplish other tasks at the same time.
Work at building trust when there is a problem. Talk with the person that disappointed you and find ways to trust the person in smaller ways and allow the trust to be rebuilt over time in bigger areas.
Learn to recognize whom to trust. Do not blindly trust everyone you meet. Instead, look for signs that the person can be trusted.

Source: Ceridian Corp.

Potential SNL skit #1

Finding balance, Humor, Outlook 1 Response »

Jun 032010

With my son and daughter at a park on Mother's Day

Sometimes I feel like my brain is constantly seeking potential SNL skits. My preteen son has joined me in this and sometimes when we are left alone, we come up with amusing scenarios. This occurred recently at a strip mall while my husband left to get a few items from a store, leaving me in the car with my son and toddler daughter. One of the shows I tease my son and sometimes my husband for watching is “Survivorman.”

It is a reality show about a man surviving for a week at a time in different challenging circumstances, such as the ocean or the Amazon. I told them that there should be a show called “Survivorwoman,” which I would gladly be the star of. In this show, I would have to endure trying out top class hotels the world over. I would be shown comparing the best food, the best massages, the best spa treatments, you get the picture – I would have to survive all such scenarios…

Anyway, as we waited at the strip mall, we wondered what “Survivorman” would do in such a scene. It would be called “Strip Mall Survivorman.” We imagined him waking up in the parking lot, surrounded by a chinese restaurant, Kmart, a liquor store and various other stores. He would of course do a pan on his camera of the scene. He would explain to us how he would eat lunch at the chinese restaurant, and what he would eat. We would then get to see him eat it. He would then potentially get some alcohol at the liquor store…you get the picture. Exciting show! As exciting as watching me enjoy spa treatments on “Survivorwoman,” a show every woman would want to try to survive on…

The science of happiness

Gratitude, Happiness, Outlook, Philosophy Comments Off

Apr 302010

Maya being the epitomy of happiness at Easter

According to a feature on The Today Show, 50% of how happy we feel is based on genetics. We can control the other half. There is a level of hard-wiring in terms of how happy we feel, but we can work around it.

Perspective, attitude, and optimism matters. There are ways to be more optimistic and studies have shown that optimists are much happier. They appreciate what they have and don’t think about what they don’t have.

Tips on being happy

5 random acts of kindness per week
keep a gratitude journal – focusing on what you are thankful for keeps you in that positive space
forgive – it releases you from a psychological imprisonment
write someone a thank-you letter – pen to paper, not email. The process of thanking someone makes a difference.
getting enough sleep
having fun
think about what’s true for you, e.g. don’t force yourself to find all your happiness from motherhood if that is not true for you.
make your bed! There is something about the tangible act that helps people feel there is order in their lives and that they are starting their day right. I have been trying to tell my husband and son this! I am a stickler about a bed being made first thing.
strong relationships – joining a group, throwing a party, and just showing up.

Source: The Today Show, 4/30/10

Talking deeply, being happier

Attitude, Communication, Finding Meaning, Happiness Comments Off

Apr 212010

It has been reported recently in the New York Times that those who talk deeply are happier. I’ve assumed this at some level and have always had a desire to engage deeply in conversations. Blogging about finding balance and meaning is my way of talking deeply (and not) to anyone willing to read my muses.

Finding others with such an interest is not very common, particularly in the dating scene I experienced. Small talk can get boring fast if it doesn’t lead to more depth. To engage in deep conversations, people have to be willing to expose themselves at some level.

The article states that “substantive conversation seemed to hold the key to happiness for two main reasons:

human beings are driven to find and create meaning in their lives
we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people.

By engaging in meaningful conversations, we manage to impose meaning on an otherwise pretty chaotic world. And interpersonally, as you find this meaning, you bond with your interactive partner, and we know that interpersonal connection and integration is a core fundamental foundation of happiness.”

If talking deeply has not been your thing, you can experiment by trying to do some more every day and see how you feel, perhaps with your significant other. You may find that you two become more intimate. If you are male, I can almost assure you of it as a female. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a female friend complain that her mate spoke too deeply with her.

Source: New York Times

Adjusting to the unexpected

Attitude, Finding balance, Outlook Comments Off

Apr 012010

My left hand post-surgery

I hadn’t expected to be nursing a fractured hand at the beginning of April, along with related lifestyle changes. This includes not driving. Today marks the two-week anniversary of my fall fracturing my hand and also of not driving. I probably haven’t driven for longer but it was good to know that I could. I have also had to have help doing some basic things like opening a jar and anything requiring two hands. Most significantly, I’ve had to have help caring for Maya.

For the first week following the accident, I leaned on Colin during his Spring break. He maintained a good attitude while helping to carry her up and down the stairs, in and out of her high chair and even during diaper changes. He held her down with his eyes closed and holding his breath while I used my right hand for the dirty work. Although it wasn’t an ideal Spring break for him, it was probably healthy for him to be needed and to be helpful to his old lady! I have to get him trained for when I’m older. 😉

This past week, we have been able to utilize the assistance of a 23 year-old neighbor who has not been working. It’s been a good match since she has been able to make some money while we are getting some flexible help. As an added bonus, we got to know of some general babysitting assistance for when we are ready to go date. We may end up with a choice of four sitters, whereas two weeks ago, we knew of no one in the area. We had canceled potentially seeing our favorite singer, Michael Buble, perform as a result.

Over-all, I am trying to take each day as it comes and stay occupied with my interests along with my family responsibilities. I added to my writing tasks right after the fall, by joining Examiner among other projects. I don’t want to focus on the setback with my hand. I want to focus on all that I have and on moving forward. I will do what I can with one hand and will just be more efficient with two.

Tomorrow, it will be one week since my surgery and I will be meeting with my surgeon. I expect that my bandage will be removed and then I imagine throwing up upon looking at the state of my hand. Right before the surgery, he told me he would use a plate instead of pins for my broken metacarpals and that it does not need to be taken out and that it would be noticeable. He also said he would use cadaver bone for the parts where my bone turned to powder. He said that although the cadaver bone has been tested, it could still have HIV. He said the cut area of the hand would protrude and then go down. Aggghhhh! I was hearing all this after being doped up and just pictured a monstrous hand after the surgery and that is what I’m imagining I’ll see tomorrow…

Letter To My Daughter, Maya

Children, Motherhood, Outlook, Parenting, Rituals, Spirituality Comments Off

Jan 282010

My daughter is turning one soon and I’m doing some soul-searching about myself and the messages I would be giving

Maya's first dressed-up professional photo at 11 months

to her. Some thoughts were coming to me (in the shower) about what I would want to say to her (and how I should be living and role-modeling this). I started a letter to capture some of these and am sharing, as I thought it may be food for thought with the start of the new year.

I plan to keep it in electronic form and keep adding to it. It would be a nice ritual by adding to it annually, and give it to her before college. I have a chest where I keep keepsakes for my two kids to have someday – maybe I will put it in there. I separately started keeping notes about her development from the year. In case I end up not being around in her future, I want to share with her what I have learned thus far, that may be of use to her.

Letter to my daughter, Maya

Dear Maya,

It is such a privilege and honor to have you in my life and be your mom. In case I am not able to do so in person when you are an adult, I want to share some life lessons I’ve learned that I wish my mother relayed to me, which may be relevant for you.

You create your own happiness
- Do not let anyone, especially a man, control your level of happiness
Do not wait to be rescued – only you can rescue yourself
- People around you may not have the ability to rescue you.
  - You are empowering them to believe they can control you and your state
    - Don’t give away this basic power that is only yours
- Know when you are behaving like a victim and projecting that out to the world.
As a female, it is important that you understand, embrace, and LIVE the word “empowerment.”
- Many events that can be viewed with sadness, such as a relationship ending (which truly did not serve you), can be viewed as empowering, if you allow yourself to see it that way.
- Know and respect your power and don’t give it away to others
You can only expect from others the level of respect you give yourself
- Never settle on this – know and stand up for the level that you deserve
Embracing your intelligence, intellectually and emotionally, is a good thing
- Do not feel ashamed, question, doubt, and disregard what you know in your heart to be true.

Above all, be open to giving and receiving love. Know that I have and will always love you.

With all my heart,

Your Mom

For more food for thought, check out my expanding collection of Quotes and Food For Thought

A New Year, a New Beginning

Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Finding Purpose, Goals, Outlook, Personal Growth Comments Off

Jan 102010

“Each year gives us new reasons to celebrate, new journeys to begin.”-unknown

This lovely saying is from the front of a card I keep on the board above my workspace, where it is always visible. It is also a very relevant saying as we begin the new year. I have refrained from making any formal resolutions. Instead, I try to be vigilant about any areas for improvement as they come up and take note to address.

January is International Life Balance Month (or quality of life month). It’s a great time to reflect on your life and think about the areas you want to see progress on. Maybe this will be the month and year that you do something about your passions. Maybe there is even a way to turn a passion into a side venture that can turn into something full-time. A recession can be viewed as an opportunity to really be doing something you want to be doing or at least make a start. I feel passionate about writing and being an entrepreneur. This year, I would like to go further with that interest.

What is holding you back? What can be done to get out of a rut if you find yourself in one? I have another quote on my board in front of me: “you will never really change your life until you change something you do daily.” This is very true and we have to aspire to trying to make any change, as minor as it may seem, EVERYDAY. Think about this everyday and be conscious of it.

Another quote I have on my desk, that I have had for many years, is by Henry David Thoreau on goals: “If one advances confidently in the direction of their dreams, and endeavors to lead a life they have imagined, they will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

I wish you all new journeys to begin and new reasons to celebrate. Happy new year!

The Annual Holiday Letter

Ettiquette, Outlook, Rituals Comments Off

Dec 162009

Ahh, that wonderful tradition of summarizing your life the past year and sending that out to everyone you know, is finally here! It’s been said that people either hate or love getting annual holiday letters. I’m a little suspicious of the people that love them.

The letters seem a bit “wrong” and in poor taste. At no other time would a press release from me about my wonderful life be appropriate, so why in a holiday card? It seems like a short-cut to building a relationship through regular communication and time together. If people were interested in minute details of our life, they would have already heard it through our relationship. If they haven’t, maybe they’re not interested?

I have felt that the old-fashioned etiquette of sending people personalized cards acknowledging the recipients’ life is best. It reinforces the relationships you are maintaining and building. Last year, one of my cards included a long heart-felt, hand-written letter to a friend offering support with his recent divorce.

The big event for me this year has been having my daughter in February. Therefore, any card I’m receiving should perhaps acknowledge the birth of my daughter! But no one will get a letter from me announcing this as they would already know that if they are in my life! As for any trials and tribulations, they would already know what is appropriate for our level of friendship! Sending out a letter outlining all this would be trying to replace the effort involved in having a relationship, where mutual events and feelings are shared as they are happening.

One could easily argue that holiday letters are not even good manners! Since when was talking only about ourselves good manners? As much as I like to write and share, I don’t plan to ever write the holiday letter and try not to groan too much when I receive the fine print and am compelled to read them.

If you do write them, try to at least be real and refrain from bragging about your wonderful life. I wonder what President Obama would say in his letter? “Guess what, I became president!” Top that. If you announce your promotion, you might depress the recipient who was laid off. It’s easy to not be sensitive in generic, one-size-fits-all holiday letters. Maybe try to be entertaining and funny if the reader is spending precious time reading your letter!

Best wishes to all who receive and write them, but especially to those that receive them.

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