Rituals - Pria's Ponderings

Letter To My Daughter, Maya

Children, Motherhood, Outlook, Parenting, Rituals, Spirituality Comments Off

Jan 282010

My daughter is turning one soon and I’m doing some soul-searching about myself and the messages I would be giving

Maya's first dressed-up professional photo at 11 months

to her. Some thoughts were coming to me (in the shower) about what I would want to say to her (and how I should be living and role-modeling this). I started a letter to capture some of these and am sharing, as I thought it may be food for thought with the start of the new year.

I plan to keep it in electronic form and keep adding to it. It would be a nice ritual by adding to it annually, and give it to her before college. I have a chest where I keep keepsakes for my two kids to have someday – maybe I will put it in there. I separately started keeping notes about her development from the year. In case I end up not being around in her future, I want to share with her what I have learned thus far, that may be of use to her.

Letter to my daughter, Maya

Dear Maya,

It is such a privilege and honor to have you in my life and be your mom. In case I am not able to do so in person when you are an adult, I want to share some life lessons I’ve learned that I wish my mother relayed to me, which may be relevant for you.

You create your own happiness
- Do not let anyone, especially a man, control your level of happiness
Do not wait to be rescued – only you can rescue yourself
- People around you may not have the ability to rescue you.
  - You are empowering them to believe they can control you and your state
    - Don’t give away this basic power that is only yours
- Know when you are behaving like a victim and projecting that out to the world.
As a female, it is important that you understand, embrace, and LIVE the word “empowerment.”
- Many events that can be viewed with sadness, such as a relationship ending (which truly did not serve you), can be viewed as empowering, if you allow yourself to see it that way.
- Know and respect your power and don’t give it away to others
You can only expect from others the level of respect you give yourself
- Never settle on this – know and stand up for the level that you deserve
Embracing your intelligence, intellectually and emotionally, is a good thing
- Do not feel ashamed, question, doubt, and disregard what you know in your heart to be true.

Above all, be open to giving and receiving love. Know that I have and will always love you.

With all my heart,

Your Mom

For more food for thought, check out my expanding collection of Quotes and Food For Thought

De-cluttering in January

Organizing, Recycling, Rituals, Simplicity, Spirituality Comments Off

Jan 252010

With the start of the new year, as we put away the holiday stuff, it’s common for many to start focusing on cleaning and organizing our homes. The evidence is apparent with what is on sale at the stores – storage bins, etc.

The annual ritual is sort of symbolic and related to needing to de-clutter our brains so we can begin anew. I can recall needing to clean out a closet before studying for a big exam in college. It was like then my brain had space. Maybe it meant that I have OCD.

Regardless, January for me, along with many of us, means clearing out the past – literally and metaphorically, so we can make space for something new and different. It is about letting go and allowing something new in. I feel the letting go process every time I recycle, donate, and discard something, especially if I’ve held it for a long time. I have files with newspaper clippings from the New York Times dated 1991 (maybe even before!)….I’ve moved a lot since then, so it’s weird thinking how often and how long some of this paper has traveled…

One of my (slow) goals is to go more and more paperless….There is a saying that paper should touch our hands only once. It should then be either discarded (recycled) or filed. I feel refreshed every time I see a space that I’ve de-cluttered and reclaimed for productive use. It is an easy achievement I can pat myself on the back for.

De-cluttering and organizing adds to my sense of balance, simplicity, and more in line with my spirituality.

My Baby’s First Christmas

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Dec 292009

It was great to be celebrating my 10 month-old baby’s first Christmas! There are so many “firsts” and I’m looking forward to all. It was fun shopping for her, although she would have been happy with wrapped-up paper and anything I don’t want her to get into.

Recording Memories

Children, Finding Meaning, Rituals Comments Off

Dec 222009

With the start of winter break for my preteen son, I am hoping to get caught up with scrap-booking his childhood pictures with his help. So far, there has been a lot of selling with not much buying. I showed him the end result, some of his baby pictures in the book, and how much he would enjoy them later, how HIS kids would not like to go through a chaotic pile of pictures.

All these points, he was fine with, but the end result was that after initially organizing a few pictures by age, as requested, he wandered off to watch Jurassic Park Part III and suggested under his breath that maybe I do the scrap-booking instead. I thought he had a point in that it is MY hobby. He wouldn’t even know what to say next to the pictures as it is from my perspective and he wouldn’t remember what was going on in the pictures.

Still, I had hoped some artistic interest would call out to him. I’m hoping he will get more involved when I get to an artistic part. And I just need the help as I am still trying to finish his newborn pictures. His pictures are from a time when digital cameras were just starting to enter the scene. They were big, clunky objects. So everything I shot was developed, good or bad, that needs to be scrap-booked, since 1998. ***sigh*** I dream of being done by New Year’s so that I can try to get caught up with my daughter’s book. I don’t want to wait too long as it gets harder to figure out what to write along with the pictures. Plus her pictures are all on the computer, so I have to first get them developed.

Then of course there are all the pictures in between, vacations and so forth. Will I ever get caught up? I also have a birth-record cross-stitch that I started when I was expecting my son. It is barely 1/4 done and I hope to complete it for my daughter.

I enjoy the idea of recording memories. I picture my kids leafing through their books long after I’m gone, feeling like they have a better sense of themselves and my view of them as they were growing up. I know I would treasure something like this, and I imagine that they would as well. I love photography and scrap-booking my children’s lives seems like a meaningful utilization of my photographic interest.

It is possible that I’m spending way too much time and energy on recording memories rather than making them, but for now, I have to plod forward to satisfy the “Monk” (our favorite TV show about the obsessive-compulsive detective) in me. I hope I am rewarded someday by finding much meaning and comfort in my recorded memories.

The Annual Holiday Letter

Ettiquette, Outlook, Rituals Comments Off

Dec 162009

Ahh, that wonderful tradition of summarizing your life the past year and sending that out to everyone you know, is finally here! It’s been said that people either hate or love getting annual holiday letters. I’m a little suspicious of the people that love them.

The letters seem a bit “wrong” and in poor taste. At no other time would a press release from me about my wonderful life be appropriate, so why in a holiday card? It seems like a short-cut to building a relationship through regular communication and time together. If people were interested in minute details of our life, they would have already heard it through our relationship. If they haven’t, maybe they’re not interested?

I have felt that the old-fashioned etiquette of sending people personalized cards acknowledging the recipients’ life is best. It reinforces the relationships you are maintaining and building. Last year, one of my cards included a long heart-felt, hand-written letter to a friend offering support with his recent divorce.

The big event for me this year has been having my daughter in February. Therefore, any card I’m receiving should perhaps acknowledge the birth of my daughter! But no one will get a letter from me announcing this as they would already know that if they are in my life! As for any trials and tribulations, they would already know what is appropriate for our level of friendship! Sending out a letter outlining all this would be trying to replace the effort involved in having a relationship, where mutual events and feelings are shared as they are happening.

One could easily argue that holiday letters are not even good manners! Since when was talking only about ourselves good manners? As much as I like to write and share, I don’t plan to ever write the holiday letter and try not to groan too much when I receive the fine print and am compelled to read them.

If you do write them, try to at least be real and refrain from bragging about your wonderful life. I wonder what President Obama would say in his letter? “Guess what, I became president!” Top that. If you announce your promotion, you might depress the recipient who was laid off. It’s easy to not be sensitive in generic, one-size-fits-all holiday letters. Maybe try to be entertaining and funny if the reader is spending precious time reading your letter!

Best wishes to all who receive and write them, but especially to those that receive them.