Building a Child’s Self Esteem (Ages 3-12)

 Children, Parenting, Self-esteem  Comments Off on Building a Child’s Self Esteem (Ages 3-12)
Feb 182010
 

Maya and Colin 1.10

By the age of three, about 85% of the brain has developed.  Those are crucial years.  I’ve taught at the preschool level and learned first-hand how little value those years have been given.  There should be plenty of funding and support for these years.

Some points to consider in building self-esteem:

3 to 5 year-olds

  • Pride is emerging, along with self-conscious emotions like shame, guilt and embarrassment.  This prompts preschoolers to be more prone to being easily torn down and easily built up as well.
  • Encourage your child’s sense of capability by encouraging a variety of activities.  Help your child to keep setbacks in perspective and to set realistic expectations.  Remind your child of progress and successes in the past.
  • Praise only what your child does well rather than making general exaggerated comments.
  • Acknowledge the difference your child is making, such as when your child helps around the house.  This lets your child know of his or her importance.
  • When your preschooler does something wrong, help your child to gain his or her own conclusion to gain a better understanding of the world and how to succeed in it.

6 to 12-year-olds

  • With school comes competition and evaluation, which can undermine your child’s self-esteem.  Kids will measure themselves against peers.
  • It’s now more important than ever to praise efforts rather than specific accomplishments or general traits like intelligence.  Kids that are told they’re smart resist learning new things and limit themselves.  Kids who are taught the importance of working hard and concentrating thrive.  They are more motivated, perform higher and have higher self-esteem.
  • Keep your child focused on self-improvement rather than shortcomings in relation to peers.  Explain how kids are good at different things, and that no one is good at everything.  Help your child figure out his or her strengths.  There may be an aspect of a sport or activity that your child does well, such as knowing and following the rules well.  Reward participation and effort.
  • When setbacks happen, keep the focus on future improvement.  Practice with your child to participate in working toward a goal.
  • Problem-solve together, allowing your child to come up with solutions first and then offering your input.  This will help your child see him or herself as a valued, thinking member of the family.
  • When you express love to your child, set not limits on yourself!  Maya and Colin 1.10

Building a Child’s Self-Esteem (to age 2)

 Children, Parenting, Self-esteem  3 Responses »
Feb 172010
 

I like to read about ways to improve myself, including the area of parenting.  In the parenting world, building the self-esteem of my preteen son and one-year-old daughter is important to me.  Here are some points I’ve gleaned:

Birth to Age 1:

  • Create a secure attachment with your child.  Try to know your child’s different cries and their meaning.  Take note of facial expressions and body language.  Make regular eye contact.  It’s even been shown that there is a connection between eye contact at a young age with higher grades later in high school.
  • Along with eye contact, cooing and mirroring says babies that they are worthy of love.  As the baby approaches the age of one, allow appropriate freedom to increase skills, while being there for falls, assuring your child that you will be there.  Praise freely at this age.

One to Two Year-olds:

  • Allow the process of letting self-esteem develop through the feeling of competence and capability.  We must find the balance between encouraging independence while providing clear boundaries and rules.  We should praise accomplishments, but not make generic, sweeping statements like “you’re brilliant.”  This can result in the child developing unrealistic expectations without a basis in skills or abilities and damage self-esteem in the long run.
  • Toddlers still need the reassurance that comes from hugging and cuddling.  Toddlers also need the comfort of limits.  A big goal of this period is to develop self-control, which is directly linked to self-esteem.  Use explanations instead of just the word “no.”  Focus comments on the behavior rather than the child.

Enhancing self-esteem includes a long-term supply of supportive words and gestures.  It’s never too early or late to do something to enhance a child’s self-esteem.

Pria with Maya at 11 Months

Tomorrow I will provide some points on enhancing self-esteem for three to 12 year-olds.

Source:  Ginny Graves – Redbook