Spirituality - Pria's Ponderings

Raj Acharya

Animals, Finding Meaning, Musing on Death, Spirituality Comments Off

Aug 032024

2003 – 7/27/2024

My dear sweet 21 year-old vegan cat, Raj (“king” in Hindi), passed on my lap and in my arms on my porch, under our pine tree about 3:40pm Saturday 7/27/2024. Today is the one week anniversary.

A few days prior, he had thick nasal discharge, which seemed resolved with a vaporizer. Then he refused breakfast, going to his napping throne on an Indian comforter on my bedroom ledge. It’s his favorite spot, where he can get sun, be left alone and watch the neighborhood.

He normally pestered me for breakfast, so ignoring it made me pause. After not eating for a day, I began feeding him through a syringe, along with water. He became frail, not standing. Saturday morning, I found him curled up in his litter box. I created a makeshift litter box with a box that had a low edge to maneuver.

We sat on the porch early Saturday morning, him under a blanket in one chair, me in the other. The birds sang and there was a gentle breeze. After periodic feeding, I laid him on ground cover under a big pine tree next to my porch. I laid next to him.

Later, I laid him on my lap on the porch and we both napped. An hour later, he made some whimpering sounds and I thought he could be dreaming. He then convulsed twice as I stood under the tree holding him, calling to him, and then I no longer felt him breathing.

Raj’s passing was idyllic. After a very long life with a loving family, he passed in a peaceful environment, outside, where he enjoyed being, in my arms. I’m so grateful he didn’t pass the prior weekend, when I was out of town. My AC broke the following day, Sunday, but learned of it Monday and was preoccupied getting it handled during a heat wave. I’m so grateful my attention on it was not taken earlier so that I could be present for Raj.

He is the first companion animal I’ve had who has passed naturally and not euthanized, like my previous 3 cats and 2 dogs. Despite various health issues, such as a heart murmur, and various injuries over decades, he has carried on, loving me and my 2 kids, over a decade apart in age. They both grew up with him.

Raj early morning 7/27/2024 on my porch

I Wondered

Finding Meaning, Love, Spirituality Comments Off

Oct 152017

I Wondered what it would be like to feel butterflies in my stomach over a guy again…
and now I do.

I wondered if there can be communication that speaks to my heart without words.

When my hand laid against his open hand, which then intertwined itself over mine, there was.

When he kissed the top of my head when I leaned in, there was.

When he spontaneously lifted my hand to then kiss it, there was…

I wondered if looking in one another’s eyes silently could communicate something.

It can.

I wondered if you can have a silent shared smile at the same thing that you both find amusing, at the same time, in the same way…you can…

As it turns out, chasing butterflies is a very worthwhile adventure. The rewards are huge.

Knowing I can feel these “small” things is big.

I was on to something when a small voice whispered, wondering….it opened doors to realization.

Wondering seems to do that…it takes you were you need to go…if we open our hearts and minds enough to notice and listen.

10/15/2017

Faith over Fear

Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Spirituality Comments Off

Dec 102016

Dear Faith,

I apologize for having so often forgotten you. I became acquainted with and at times overtaken by Fear. I see now that you have been the greater faithful friend, the one who can guide me to peace. You deserved more loyalty from me. Fear hasn’t taken me to any place I can find happiness in.

I don’t know that fear has any place in our short, limited lives where we know so little and mysteries abound. The number of mysteries we can then be fearful of are boundless. What would then be the point of living in a state of fear? It doesn’t make any sense.

It seems you are related to Hope and can introduce me to her. Fear does not know her. Fear is like a cheap salesperson who is all inflated, dramatic talk with nothing genuine, true, or real to offer or deliver.

I want what matters and brings me to Joy. Faith, I’ve heard you and Joy know each other. If I embrace you more, Faith, will you introduce me to Joy? I think I will really enjoy getting to know her more as well.

With love,
Your new friend

Soulitude

Finding balance, Finding Meaning, Finding Purpose, Outlook, Personal Growth, Simplicity, Spirituality, Thoughts Comments Off

Nov 252016

I long for soulitude,

to rest, breathe…
calm my mind, body and soul.

I seek soulitude,
to fully hear silence,
to see details
I never noticed.

Soulitude allows me to feel
expanded, enriched and newer,
a renewed version
I’ve never felt before.

With soulitude, I hear
like I’ve never heard before.

I hear and feel
every chord, every note
of every song…

I hear music that
gives me goosebumps…
and compels my spirit
to sing…

Soulitude increases and enhances
my vision,
to fully see
all that I did not,
could not, would not,
see…

I want to see
every hue of
every color
and every combination…
a kaleidoscope
of shifting,
evolving colors…

My spirit has been starved…
and hungers for healing

that begins with
being fed by
quiet, gentle,
soulitude.

All is Well

Finding Meaning, Gratitude, Musing on Death, Musings, Outlook, Philosophy, Spirituality Comments Off

Nov 072016

In my calmest and most clarified moments, I see…that all is well. Regardless of the choices made and paths taken, in the end, no matter what, all will be well. As we near our end, there is not much that will matter or concern us. We must let go of all there was and choose peace with all there is and is not. What other options would we choose? Would we consider ending our lives in anger, regret, remorse, or grief?

None of us were given manuals on how to live our lives. Day by day, we try to learn about ourselves and how to care for and honor ourselves. How can we make a judgment call of what is good or bad for someone? We do not know all there is about life. We do not know from that which we came and we do not know where we will go. All we have is the time allowed and the paths in front of us. We determine the paths chosen and how gracefully we can walk on them.

All we can do is just be. Be in the moment fully. That is all we have at any given moment. We can not judge these moments. They just are. Each moment is a gift to be mindful of, respect, and cherish. Our moments savored are nourishing rain drops for our soul. Our enriched soul can then come forth to awaken, be seen, heard, and honored. Awakened souls united can enrich the world.

We can not decide or determine how long we are here or have others in our life or in this world. What are they trying to teach us about ourselves? What do we learn, understand, respect and honor about ourselves through our relationships? They are there for us to find ourselves. Others must be allowed to find their own paths towards the directions they seek. Their paths and journeys belong to them. We can not trespass on their paths, but patiently and respectfully hope to be invited to share their journeys as we allow them the privilege to share in ours.

Most of life is beyond our control. We must simply be and feel all that we are and can become. Being open to our heart, intuition and soul can allow us to accept, acknowledge and allow all there is…to meet, recognize and embrace our authentic self. In the end, it is our true self we will be with.

Sad day for CO

Finding Meaning, Gratitude, Loss, Outlook, Philosophy, Spirituality, Thoughts 1 Response »

Jul 202012

I along with fellow Colorado residents woke up this morning to the sad news of another shooting. I’m sure many that are at least as old as me were transported to that day when there was breaking news of Columbine. My now 14 year-old teen was an infant as I, a new mom then, was trying to reconcile the world my child was born into…He of course does not remember that day as he connects with fellow teens on what has occurred today. I wonder what they are saying and how they comfort one another with their limited time on this planet. I’m not certain how the rest of us console one another.

I don’t know what experience in this world teaches us about these events. It is particularly hard to hear and understand when the victims are children. In this case, even a three-month old. Spiritually and as a mom, this is particularly difficult. I’m sure all moms would want to hug and hold this child’s mom along with the moms of the other children, such as a six year-old and fourteen year-old (that could have been my teen). One victim had survived a previous shooting. She had a strange feeling and had walked out of a mall just before the shooting.

A common difficult feeling most of us feel during times like these is that of helplessness. In this case, it occurred at midnight, when most of us were sleeping. It was the first thing I heard about when barely awake, before my first cup of coffee. But life had to go on, we had to get ready for work and get our daughter ready for daycare. As the day wore on, we learned more. The children that lost lives, from 3 months to 14 years. My child’s beloved daycare teacher’s husband was there, covering a teen boy with his body to shield him. A City of Aurora employee, my spouse can see the theater from his building at the Aurora Municipal Center. This tragedy will impact him and his colleagues even more. I imagine there would be permanent changes to their work culture and how they view their jobs and city.

It is strange to think I was just at the Aurora Municipal Center the previous weekend with our daughter to attend the city’s kid festival, “Kidspree,” where my husband was volunteering. There was a huge turn-out from Aurora and the focus was on innocence and fun for the kids. Some Aurora police officers were there, on their bikes, with not much to do but enjoy the event. Kids were on the karaoke machine back to back, belting out songs including those from Adele.

One of the thoughts that comes next for most us is regarding what, if anything, we can do. From a big picture, it is challenging. How can such a tragedy be prevented? Are the violent movies to blame? Is there inadequate or not enough mental health services? How and why did this student get to this stage? Is this another case of a “lost” boy as mentioned during Columbine? Are we not taking adequate care of some of our boys so they can grow up to be caring and responsible members of society? These are tough, complicated questions with probable tough, complicated answers. At the same time, such questions and others should be asked and answers should be sought, however complicated they may be.

In the meantime, there are pragmatic, immediate actions that can be done to help if desired. The American Red Cross Mile High Chapter is seeking donations to help the families displaced or hurt by this violence. The Bonfils Blood Center is requesting donations of O-Negative and A-Negative blood to help them restore their bank following the numerous surgeries related to injuries sustained during the shooting.

This tragedy reminds us to hold our loved ones close, count our blessings, and to be appreciative of our fragile time here.

Have a greener holiday season

Environment, Green Living, Recycling, Spirituality Comments Off

Dec 092011

A trend is for the holidays to be greener. That can include starting to use fabric instead of paper. I offer a variety of fabric gift bags to choose from through my boutique (contact me for specific styles), including some made from imported fabric. These are beautiful and gifts on their own that can be reused forever.

More shopping is done on-line, saving fuel, and there is consideration of electronic holiday greetings/cards rather than hard-copy using snail mail. Some are opting to make cards using recycled materials.

Some green (and inexpensive) gift ideas include offering services such as massage or your own special talent. This could be a painting you’ve created, special edible treats, babysitting or house cleaning. How about a baking mix with instructions or a spice mixture you have created? I have created my own chai mix with loose tea and spices. Another creative and treasured idea is to videotape elderly parents or grandparents about their childhood memories along with their photos and heirlooms while they discuss them.

You could designate a dollar limit on gifts, prompting everyone to get creative and maybe end up with the added result of humor. The lower the limit, such as a dollar or two from a thrift shop, could end up with even more humor. And of course, less ends up in the land fill.

Resources for a greener holiday:

www.simpleliving.org

www.altgifts.org

www.consciousconsumer.org

www.giveforchange.com

www.coopamerica.org

www.tenthousandvillages.org

www.newdream.org/holiday

www.treehugger.com

www.ucsusa.org/publications/greentips/1203-tips-for-a-merry.html

http://frugalplanet.wordpress.com/2010/09/21/frugality-not-just-for-the-poor/

Overcoming Obstacles

Finding balance, Goals, Outlook, Personal Growth, Philosophy, Spirituality Comments Off

Aug 102011

The topic of overcoming obstacles has been fascinating to me. How are some people able to come out of challenging situations negatively impacted while others thrive in their lives?

There have been various accounts of people getting caught in a similar difficult situation, but who came out of the experience feeling different – with some less negatively affected than others. This could have been based on how they perceived their situation and whether they acted to overcome their circumstances and potential negative effect versus becoming passive.

What situations have you felt you’ve overcome well? Are there tools that you developed that you rely on as a result to continue to overcome difficulties?

I’ve blogged about similar topics along with writing articles for magazines. I’ve gotten to the point where I wanted to challenge myself with a bigger piece of work. I’m now polishing up my first (hopefully) ebook entitled: “In Search of Ganesha, the God of Overcoming Obstacles.”

Look for it within a week! In it, I share my own experiences on this topic, my reflections, lessons I’ve learned (and still learning), along with tools I’ve found useful that I try to utilize.

Update 8/11/11: Here is the link to purchase the ebook: http://uploadnsell.com/buy/k3bEbI

Farewell My Dear Princess Pooja

Finding balance, Loss, Musing on Death, Personal Growth, Relationships, Spirituality Comments Off

Jun 062011

Pooja

My Dearest Pooja,

it feels challenging to even accept that I’m writing to you in the universe as of 6/3/11, rather than find you in my home, to tell you directly how much you have meant to me. The words have been forming, and they feel inadequate.

You have been my anchor for 15 years.
You have been part of the definition of my existence.
My daily script included you.
We have been extremely loyal to each other and have been there together during ups and downs. I nursed you through a life-threatening dog attack, hip surgery and various life changes, as you nursed me by being my constant, loving companion, though bossy and ornery at times, just as I was.

Dear Pooja, how do I continue my loyalty to you now? How do I continue to take care of you now? This phase doesn’t fit in the script of my life and function with you. Where do I go from here?

I am not and was not ready for the story of you and me to end. Maybe you knew that and you left me on a Friday when my husband could help that weekend with my daughter so I could grieve and also leaving after my son was out of school, as he will be there tomorrow when my husband goes back to work. He is also spared having to face school during this time of healing.

I can not be mad at you because that would make me not loyal and devoted to you. But I have felt mad at something for taking you away from me in a way that I can’t even get you back. There is not a chance of reunion in this lifetime for me and when you got lost and I found you at the shelter.

Your passing does not have a solution like your previous wounds; I can not fix it, and I am not in control. That must be part of the loyal, parental anger I feel. I would not desert you and I would find you to the end of the Earth, as I know you would do for me. But you are not on this Earth now and I have been paralyzed and lost with grief and shock. Now what? How do I march forward without you by my side?

You have been the security blanket I’ve unknowingly had for 15 years. All was well at a basic, constant level when you were in the picture. You helped me feel secure, grounded, centered, and loved. It is hard to look at any space in my home and notice that you are not in it. With you in my life, the days seemed sunnier, the flowers felt prettier, and smelled nicer. I cared more about having my plants grow and enjoying the warmer weather with you. I enjoyed the breeze through you, watching you sniff it, basking in the sun and environment around you in our back yard, just within the past week. How do I experience and enjoy life without you?

Your deteriorating health sent me to tears, as I was forced to consider the inevitable with your age. Reading about potential help with your ailments (that I was aware of) gave me hope, which I held to as you went to see the vet this Friday, 6/3. I assumed you would come home that night with medication to fix things, and I would continue my regimen of caring for you and the rest of my kids. I was not prepared to consider you may not come home. Now I try to conjure up every moment of that day, as it ended up being my last with you. Had I known it would be, would it be easier? Or is it like children getting a vaccination shot, when you may not want them to know the exact moment and be distracted, to lessen the pain and fear of anticipation?

Your loyalty extended to my children, whom you watched enter the world, grow, and love you. You chose to sleep near me at the end of the day, every single day, even when your back legs were failing you recently, and you would push your body up to your spot in my room and life. When we limited how much you pushed your body by restricting you and you stopped protesting with your barks; I was filled with sadness, knowing your were resigning to a new phase. This was not the Pooja I knew, and I was scared.

I am so sorry for being so bad at letting you go, and if that caused you further suffering and a heavier burden. I’m sorry for my selfishness in thinking there would not ever be a good time for you to go. You ended up looking after me even in your passing by ensuring I was with the support I needed.

As much as I hurt in losing you, I will never regret the love you brought in my life and that of my family the past 15 years, which will always be a part of me. You have blessed me and my family immeasurably. Thank you, Pooja, you are a “prayer” answered, as your name means. I pray that I will see you someday, in your peak physical form, flying through the air to catch a frisbee and chasing tennis balls.

Tennis balls will remind me of you along with everything else. For now, just waking up, breathing and looking at anything reminds me of you. My heart aches and feels empty at the same time. I don’t want to be disloyal by not thinking about you and letting you go in anyway feels disloyal. Giving up your body felt disloyal. I will never be able to feel your soft ears that felt like the plant lamb’s ear in my yard.

Two weekends ago, I was noticing your triangular ears perked up as you were lounging next to my husband in the park. You did not look aged. You were beautiful, majestic, serene, and proud. Looking into your eyes felt like I was looking at an old soul and that you could see my soul. I am grateful for choosing to look into those eyes as you passed from this world. And then I looked at the dreaded sight of your body not going up and down with breath. You were still. Your eyes and gaze remained the same.

Pooja, I will love you forever. You are a part of me and my family and always will be. I will be honoring you every time I love and nurture my family that I will always be loyal to, as you have been. Rest in peace, my Princess Pooja and now my angel.

Pooja, Colin, and Bhalloo 1/18/10

The Butterfly Experiment

Goals, Outlook, Philosophy, Spirituality Comments Off

May 022011

At the Butterfly Pavillion in Denver

I’m on day 1 of an interesting experiment that I have not done exactly right and have already seen the desired result. The experiment is about manifestation and personal transformation.

The process utilizes the spiritual laws of attraction. This is about the idea that what you focus on expands or comes to you. This means that if you focus on gratitude for that which you already have, it should expand. Unfortunately, it also means that if you focus on something you’re unhappy about, that too will expand.

One of the “tricks” of manifestation is that if you are hoping for more of something like money, you can’t curse the lack of it in your life at the same time that you desire more. So, in the spirit of fun and spiritual adventure, I decided to try this experiment in manifestation and the laws of attraction. The premise is that by focusing on something tangible and simple like butterflies, you should be able to bring them into your life in some form, even if it’s a mention in a song or an image on a card.

So day 1 of the experiment called for 5-15 minutes of meditation (I did about 1 minute) and 17 seconds of visualizing butterflies (although I didn’t time it, I believe I managed this). I planned on doing more of the meditation tonight. Motherhood beckoned and I had a mom’s group at my Unitarian church to get to. At the mom’s group, the preschool coordinator was asked to describe what the preschool kids would be doing today. She held up a butterfly made with tissues and a clothespin (gasp!) and proceeded to describe how the kids would be making this butterfly craft.

I thought of what a psychic had told me years ago when I was a single mom to a boy – that I was an old soul, had the gift of manifestation which I should explore, and that he saw a girl in my future. Now that I have a 2 year-old daughter, I wondered if the butterfly craft was affirming his manifestation reading about me. It’s too soon to tell, but I am intrigued and will continue with the experiment to see if I manifest more butterflies and then perhaps to other agendas (like that million dollars, which my husband fully supports trying to manifest).

Source: The Butterfly Experiment

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